Is this the land?

...feeling lost today...
...unsure of what comes next, of who comes next...
...scared that God might be more real than I have thought Him to be and that I might have to make a change in my own life accordingly...
...what to do...
...random thoughts at 2 in the morning of selling everything, and trusting God to do what He has said He would do: to feed, to clothe and to be with me as I walk with Him...
...His promice of the abundant life!
Where is this abbundant life? It comes when Im not even looking for it! In comes in the simplicty of spending time with people you dont know well as you sit and paint and get little glimses of the person that Jesus has made them to be. It comes in sitting at In and Out at Midnight and talking about hopes and dreams for the future. Its in random late night phone calls. Its in holding Boston. Its in having paint under your finger nails and a tired body that says to you "Yes I lived today." Its in talking in the cold for three hours and in prayer that you actually mean. Its in the tears and the heart ache. Its in vuneralbility. Its in fixing relationships and friendships; doing the hard things that you dont want to do. Its in doing everything that you are already doing; but with a change in attitude, a change in the soul that says "Here, I am here and called here." Its a connecting those that seem so disconnected. Its in seeing the broken fixed, the blindman who now sees and the cripple who runs and leaps and shouts for joy.
"Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you"-Josh 1:3
But am I willing to step where I am supposed to go? To tread into the abundant life? To go and take the land that was promiced me?
"So many miles behind
Still I drive with the pedal down
I was off the map hours back
It's beneath the seat, I think
It's with two pennies and a match
And something else, I can't remember
But in the time that it would take to fish it out
I'll be another mile gone
And I feel so wrong
Trying to feel right
In light of all the things I've passed
You'd think that I'd have learned
(Chorus)
This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words, I just want some peace"
-Not the land Caedmon's Call
Is this the land?
Did I live today?