One of the wonderings about the third place.
"Should the church become peoples Third Place?
That is, does the church need to be the safe place that people go.
Some say yes, its a place of fellowship and community
Others say no, its not the place that needs to be inviting, its the people (who
really are the church)"
The Church and the Third Place.
Our church used to be a “mobil” church, that is, we rented a space to have Sunday morning services and every week we drove our little truck full of goodies to our improvized santuary, unloaded and set up the sound equipment, had service then packed it up again after we were finished. I used to help set up the sound most Sunday mornings which means we got there at around 7 am for a 9:30 service. It was great. People bonded over their “suffering” each week to turn a school audtorium into a place to come meet God. Having a mobil church is probably the closest thing to being part of the persecuted church that you can get in Amercia. I don’t say that to trivialize the sufferings of the persecuted church but rather just to say that mutual suffering, real or percieved, creates a bond that is hard to make otherwise. People band together over suffering.
So in all this moving about the church started renting a place off of 4 Corners in Elsinore. It wasn’t big, 30’ by 80’, nor very nice, it had concrete floors with old flooring glue on it and leaked when it rained. However it did have location going for it. Not only was it located within walking distance of mine and several other of the leaders, it was located with in walking distance of a lot of the students homes. There was a lot to do as far as building and painting the youth room and eventually it became a place where your could almost always find someone “hanging out” either having a small bible study, working on a message, reading a book, or even playing “butts up” (a rather painful game played with a tennis ball, requireing more dexterity and speed than I could muster.) The point is, that for many of the youth and the leaders, our youth building became our Third Place (see the previous blog).
And then our church moved to a building that we had built and we had a larger room with carpet, a sound board and some hansil and grettle sort of storage closets. At first we were like, woo were so excited, but then as the newness factor wore off we started to realize that we had, for what ever reason, lost a lot of that feeling. People didn’t just stop by anymore and hang out. We had schedules and things to do and stuff to acomplish.
Was it just the change of place, or was it the change of pace?
I mean its true, we lost a place that was solely our own. Which means we couldn’t just use it for whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. We now had to check a schedule and use the places that werent being used. But I don’t think the feeling of a third place is baised as much on location as it is baised on what you feel in a location. And feelings are a mixture of relationships and memories and current events.
As Christians, we often go to church, but have a hard time inviting people into our church. I think a portion of that is a level of uncomfortableness with church, due to our memories, current events in our lives and the relationships with those arround us.
We have lost our focus on the message of Grace.
We have lost our focus on hospitalyity which is a demonstration of grace.
We think the church ought to be doing it for us. The church should be providing a place of grace and hospitality right? Except we forget that we are to be the church. Where is your hospitality? Where is mine? I have forgoten that grace is the central message and hospitality is the one of the outward manifestations of grace. But what is grace? What do we mean by hospitality? More to come…
September 29, 2007
August 28, 2007
Mumbo Jumbo and The Third Place
Ive got all these things that I want to write about right now and they all seemed to be stuck together and tangled like the cables behind my computer. Perhaps if i pull at the easiest one, the others will begin their long journey from thought to screen.
The first and easiest something i have been thinking about has to do with a little know place where Christians have traded in their crack pipes for something slightly less nefarious. My wife worked here for a while wearing a sorta Christmas elf looking green apron and serving their meth substitute in venti cups with pithy statements on them. Yes your neighbor hood Starbucks. Don't get me wrong, i like and drink coffee, but I have so many issues about drinking a big mack, fries and a coke blended into a frappichino (I'm not even kidding, go check out the nutritional facts)
But I wasn't really thinking about that. I was thinking about a conversation I had with my wife about smoothies and dating. We signed up for this date night at church. You read a book separately, answer some questions, then go on a date and discuss what you thought, or your questions or what ever. Its fairly good and guided, and each week there is a specific topic of discussion ranging from communication, involvement, parenting, growing old, sex, household chores, and spiritual connection. But seeing how it started at 7 o'clock on a Saturday, we didn't usually have time to go after the meeting on our date so we would go before. We cruised over to this little shopping center near the church to coffee from the Bucks. But I decided i wanted a Smoothie instead. But since the smoothie place has no chairs in it, i wondered if we could sit in Starbucks and drink it and talk. So i asked Sarah if it was okay, seeing as how she worked there and all. She said yes. Are you sure?
Yeah the want to be your Third Place.
Huh? Whats that supposed to mean. She went on to tell me that it is Starbucks corporate policy to allow anyone and everyone to come in, use their place, their electricity, their bathrooms, to eat and drink food from other restaurants, to have meetings and conduct business, and to stay for as long as you want, with out spending a dime because they would like to become your Third Place. See almost every one has a First Place. A place you call home where you go to sleep, where you eat. Its your house, your home, your abode and domicile. Your second place is your work. Where you sit and make money and get stuff done. But your third place... that's what Starbucks wants to be, the place you go to hang out, meet friends, chill. Perhaps the owners watched a little too much cheers in their life. Starbucks prides itself in its regulars, they even have a whole series of commercials where the drink looses its fancy Italian name and is called by the person ordering it (its not a triple venti latte with Cinnamon and soy milk, its simply an Eddie) So the next couple of posts on this blog will be about my thoughts on the "Third Place"
The first and easiest something i have been thinking about has to do with a little know place where Christians have traded in their crack pipes for something slightly less nefarious. My wife worked here for a while wearing a sorta Christmas elf looking green apron and serving their meth substitute in venti cups with pithy statements on them. Yes your neighbor hood Starbucks. Don't get me wrong, i like and drink coffee, but I have so many issues about drinking a big mack, fries and a coke blended into a frappichino (I'm not even kidding, go check out the nutritional facts)
But I wasn't really thinking about that. I was thinking about a conversation I had with my wife about smoothies and dating. We signed up for this date night at church. You read a book separately, answer some questions, then go on a date and discuss what you thought, or your questions or what ever. Its fairly good and guided, and each week there is a specific topic of discussion ranging from communication, involvement, parenting, growing old, sex, household chores, and spiritual connection. But seeing how it started at 7 o'clock on a Saturday, we didn't usually have time to go after the meeting on our date so we would go before. We cruised over to this little shopping center near the church to coffee from the Bucks. But I decided i wanted a Smoothie instead. But since the smoothie place has no chairs in it, i wondered if we could sit in Starbucks and drink it and talk. So i asked Sarah if it was okay, seeing as how she worked there and all. She said yes. Are you sure?
Yeah the want to be your Third Place.
Huh? Whats that supposed to mean. She went on to tell me that it is Starbucks corporate policy to allow anyone and everyone to come in, use their place, their electricity, their bathrooms, to eat and drink food from other restaurants, to have meetings and conduct business, and to stay for as long as you want, with out spending a dime because they would like to become your Third Place. See almost every one has a First Place. A place you call home where you go to sleep, where you eat. Its your house, your home, your abode and domicile. Your second place is your work. Where you sit and make money and get stuff done. But your third place... that's what Starbucks wants to be, the place you go to hang out, meet friends, chill. Perhaps the owners watched a little too much cheers in their life. Starbucks prides itself in its regulars, they even have a whole series of commercials where the drink looses its fancy Italian name and is called by the person ordering it (its not a triple venti latte with Cinnamon and soy milk, its simply an Eddie) So the next couple of posts on this blog will be about my thoughts on the "Third Place"
June 27, 2007
Anniversaries
Today is my one-year anniversary of dating my wife. Its also her birthday which apparently in the eyes of some other guys I know, was a smart move since I only need to remember one date instead of two. I don’t see that as a bonus yet, but maybe when Im old and senile it will be nice.
I always thought that there would be things that I could learn being married that I couldn’t as a single man. And you know what? I probably was right. I was driving in the car with my wife to church on Sunday (yawn…It was way to early to be up, but we had to be their for choir) She looks over and sleepily says “You’re a good husband.” See, we had just had a big night out for her birthday, I had gotten up and made breakfast, brewed her some tea for church and ironed her outfit for church. But just two nights before we’d gotten into it over what now seems stupid but at the time seemed like a big deal. Had she simply just forgotten all that? I think I would rather say “I’m learning to be a good husband”
I never had thought of myself as selfish, nor has anyone ever called me that, not even my wife in the most heated of arguments. (Yes in two months we’ve had heated arguments. Hey give us a break we’re still learning how to communicate with each other) But the reality is, that I have seen more selfishness that I didn’t even know was there. My this, my way to do that, my needs, my time, my house. Ultimately its my space: the nitch that I had carved out in my life that I thought of as mine. It is no longer mine, its ours. Our life our future. God help me to rid myself of selfishish ambition and run the race well.
I always thought that there would be things that I could learn being married that I couldn’t as a single man. And you know what? I probably was right. I was driving in the car with my wife to church on Sunday (yawn…It was way to early to be up, but we had to be their for choir) She looks over and sleepily says “You’re a good husband.” See, we had just had a big night out for her birthday, I had gotten up and made breakfast, brewed her some tea for church and ironed her outfit for church. But just two nights before we’d gotten into it over what now seems stupid but at the time seemed like a big deal. Had she simply just forgotten all that? I think I would rather say “I’m learning to be a good husband”
I never had thought of myself as selfish, nor has anyone ever called me that, not even my wife in the most heated of arguments. (Yes in two months we’ve had heated arguments. Hey give us a break we’re still learning how to communicate with each other) But the reality is, that I have seen more selfishness that I didn’t even know was there. My this, my way to do that, my needs, my time, my house. Ultimately its my space: the nitch that I had carved out in my life that I thought of as mine. It is no longer mine, its ours. Our life our future. God help me to rid myself of selfishish ambition and run the race well.
June 8, 2007
Spinning the world.
Or at least a small part of it.
Its amazing to me how much a bit of change a has the ability to energize.
...
Its amazing to me how much a bit of change a has the ability to energize.
...
June 7, 2007
Sailing
My boat seems adrift amid the sea of life.
I have untied from the dock, pushed out into water and let the wind and waves push me to and fro. The sounds and smells of the salty ocean bring to mind memories of pickles and fish as the waves lap gently against the side of the boat. Where to next. Without a map and preset course i have set out to find a new contry to belong to. Its seems frantic when the name of your destination is unknown however there is time to prepare for our land as ther is no land yet in sight. Which way to go? Any way seems okay since i have no idea how long the journey is in any direction, save the one I came from. Will i, like Chesterton, seek out new adventures only to discover landing in my own backyard, and even more supprising, find that there were new adventures to be had even there?
Run up the spiniacer, its time to start moving along Adam.
I have untied from the dock, pushed out into water and let the wind and waves push me to and fro. The sounds and smells of the salty ocean bring to mind memories of pickles and fish as the waves lap gently against the side of the boat. Where to next. Without a map and preset course i have set out to find a new contry to belong to. Its seems frantic when the name of your destination is unknown however there is time to prepare for our land as ther is no land yet in sight. Which way to go? Any way seems okay since i have no idea how long the journey is in any direction, save the one I came from. Will i, like Chesterton, seek out new adventures only to discover landing in my own backyard, and even more supprising, find that there were new adventures to be had even there?
Run up the spiniacer, its time to start moving along Adam.
April 28, 2007
Wedding Days
Man how much life changes in a year. A year ago I was faintly interested in this girl who I talked to over the internet because she was living in Russia at the time. We talked alot, and come to find out, it meant alot to her, the long nights on Ichat and the emails back and forth when our schedules didnt match well. It was about this time when we both started (unbeknownst to each other) thinking, "Hey this might work out here." She came back, we started dating, and bada bing, bada boom, here we are and now today the two of us have decied to make our connection a perminant one, at least for this life. So today I marry and join my life to my beautiful bride, and together we will explore the mysteries of God, how our relationship is to be like Christ's to the church, how two become one, and how we become stronger and better together.
More to come I'm sure...
More to come I'm sure...
April 28th...
Man how much life changes in a year. A year ago I was faintly interested in this girl who I talked to over the internet because she was living in Russia at the time. We talked alot, and come to find out, it meant alot to her, the long nights on Ichat and the emails back and forth when our schedules didnt match well. It was about this time when we both started (unbeknownst to each other) thinking, "Hey this might work out here." She came back, we started dating, and bada bing, bada boom, here we are and now today the two of us have decied to make our connection a perminant one, at least for this life. So today I marry and join my life to my beautiful bride, and together we will explore the mysteries of God, how our relationship is to be like Christ's to the church, how two become one, and how we become stronger and better together.
More to come I'm sure...
More to come I'm sure...
February 15, 2007
December 15, 2006
And on the seventh day... rest.
Rest.
"and ye shall afflict your souls, and offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD"
"and ye shall afflict your souls, and offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD"
Then there was evening and morning. The sixth day.
Okay so today I feel better. It was wierd. I heard of those 24 hour bugs, even made them up in highschool so I wouldnt have to go, but never have I experienced one. Went to Peppertree tonight. The kids put on a little production as a way to thank us for helping them and doing the Christmas gift thing for them on Saturday.
First time in along time that I really felt appreciated by someone I was ministering to. I get thanks from people I am (was?) in ministry with but rarely do people who you serve thank you. I dont think Im living for that. I could pick much "better" ministries to be apart of to be confirmed and affirmed in. It was just... nice.
Is it wrong to look for encouragement? I dont know. Some would call it living for people (instead of God) or being a man-pleaser, both of which I have struggled with and still sometimes struggle with. One of my teachers posed the question "If you had to pick a herisey to follow which would you pick?" Easy. Im would fall in the camp of the "Social Gospel", putting heaven on the back burner and taking care of people now. Helping them out of where they are at.
Let me say on the record. I am not a Social Gospelist. I just have leanings, just like any other christian arround.
But encouragement from the body, is biblical, called for by God, and sometimes very needed for strenght to continue.
First time in along time that I really felt appreciated by someone I was ministering to. I get thanks from people I am (was?) in ministry with but rarely do people who you serve thank you. I dont think Im living for that. I could pick much "better" ministries to be apart of to be confirmed and affirmed in. It was just... nice.
Is it wrong to look for encouragement? I dont know. Some would call it living for people (instead of God) or being a man-pleaser, both of which I have struggled with and still sometimes struggle with. One of my teachers posed the question "If you had to pick a herisey to follow which would you pick?" Easy. Im would fall in the camp of the "Social Gospel", putting heaven on the back burner and taking care of people now. Helping them out of where they are at.
Let me say on the record. I am not a Social Gospelist. I just have leanings, just like any other christian arround.
But encouragement from the body, is biblical, called for by God, and sometimes very needed for strenght to continue.
Then there was evening and morning. The fifth day.
Im sick!
Urgg I have a fever and chills.
One minute i cant seem to get warm.
The next I am boinling up.
Urgg I have a fever and chills.
One minute i cant seem to get warm.
The next I am boinling up.
December 11, 2006
Then there was evening and morning. The fourth day...
Feeling a little light today.
Nothing much to say, but I promiced myself that I would write at least 10 minutes, 6 days a week (and rest on the seventh) while all this was going on. Worked today. Yeah.
Umm.
Going to go home.
Going to wash some dishes.
Going to make some dinner.
Going to eat some dinner.
Will probably clean a little. My house is not "a mess" but it could us a tidying up. Got some presents to write in. I dont wrap them because, oddly enough S. gets much enjoyment out of wrapping presents. So I just mostly write little notes for them, either in the cover if they are books or in a card taped to the front.
Mike called. Wants me to pray about starting a church with him in Sweeden. Crazy guy. I dont know if I am up to that right now. But he said it would be a couple of years before we'd go. Hes already sending me links and articles.
And I got an email from a writers blog I have. The are looking for a writer for a Missions orfanization that reaches out to europe, and they are baised in CO within about an hour (barring blizzards) of where Mike lives. Praying.
Heard from God? Not yet.
Only
Father the fatherless.
"Oh lead me to the place where I can find You"
Nothing much to say, but I promiced myself that I would write at least 10 minutes, 6 days a week (and rest on the seventh) while all this was going on. Worked today. Yeah.
Umm.
Going to go home.
Going to wash some dishes.
Going to make some dinner.
Going to eat some dinner.
Will probably clean a little. My house is not "a mess" but it could us a tidying up. Got some presents to write in. I dont wrap them because, oddly enough S. gets much enjoyment out of wrapping presents. So I just mostly write little notes for them, either in the cover if they are books or in a card taped to the front.
Mike called. Wants me to pray about starting a church with him in Sweeden. Crazy guy. I dont know if I am up to that right now. But he said it would be a couple of years before we'd go. Hes already sending me links and articles.
And I got an email from a writers blog I have. The are looking for a writer for a Missions orfanization that reaches out to europe, and they are baised in CO within about an hour (barring blizzards) of where Mike lives. Praying.
Heard from God? Not yet.
Only
Father the fatherless.
"Oh lead me to the place where I can find You"
December 10, 2006
Then there was evening and morning. The third day...
Im a little late in getting this up.
All sorts of thoughts going through my head.
Church this morning.
Thought Gary was going to anounce my stepping down.
People still are expecting "Pastor Adam" or at least "Get it done Adam"
Pastor Adam is okay.
Like anyone could stop me from pastoring, tending and instructing.
Maybe my real issue is filling time with stuff that Pastors are "supposed to do" without ever doing the real work of a pastor. Like working the angles of prayer, scripure and Godly mentoring.
Maybe sometimes I am a bad friend. I went to a friends house tonight. Totally went to bless them and cook them dinner in the midst of holiday busyness. But as I was leaving, I was struck with the fact that another of my friends who is looking to be blessed, has asked for it, I feel unable to bless. Things that would totally knock my socks off dont work for him and at this point I feel unable to accomplish this task. Can people be too different? I dont know. We seem to have different views on everything from ministry to family life to how friendships should even function.
Forced together by involvement in the same ministry, held together by one touch point, conflicts ensue, Christ, the scriptures, the Holy Spirit, and when nessisary other counsilers were needed to keep us together. Remove that touch point and what happens? Do we cease to be friends? Many words spoken, but less action is taken. There isnt hate or apathay. Theres love and care and excitement, just it seems that there is a moving appart.
Where should the heart of a Son be?
Trying to hold on?- Keeping to the biblical principles of unity, and embracing the pain of misunderstandings?
Letting go? Loosing a friend to the fact that we are both growing in differant directions? Embracing the pain of a lost friendship?
Somewhere in the middle? Trying to keep a little of both to excape both extrems of pain?
Something different that I havent even thought of?
All sorts of thoughts going through my head.
Church this morning.
Thought Gary was going to anounce my stepping down.
People still are expecting "Pastor Adam" or at least "Get it done Adam"
Pastor Adam is okay.
Like anyone could stop me from pastoring, tending and instructing.
Maybe my real issue is filling time with stuff that Pastors are "supposed to do" without ever doing the real work of a pastor. Like working the angles of prayer, scripure and Godly mentoring.
Maybe sometimes I am a bad friend. I went to a friends house tonight. Totally went to bless them and cook them dinner in the midst of holiday busyness. But as I was leaving, I was struck with the fact that another of my friends who is looking to be blessed, has asked for it, I feel unable to bless. Things that would totally knock my socks off dont work for him and at this point I feel unable to accomplish this task. Can people be too different? I dont know. We seem to have different views on everything from ministry to family life to how friendships should even function.
Forced together by involvement in the same ministry, held together by one touch point, conflicts ensue, Christ, the scriptures, the Holy Spirit, and when nessisary other counsilers were needed to keep us together. Remove that touch point and what happens? Do we cease to be friends? Many words spoken, but less action is taken. There isnt hate or apathay. Theres love and care and excitement, just it seems that there is a moving appart.
Where should the heart of a Son be?
Trying to hold on?- Keeping to the biblical principles of unity, and embracing the pain of misunderstandings?
Letting go? Loosing a friend to the fact that we are both growing in differant directions? Embracing the pain of a lost friendship?
Somewhere in the middle? Trying to keep a little of both to excape both extrems of pain?
Something different that I havent even thought of?
December 8, 2006
Then there was evening and morning. The second day...
Day number two.
Its not overyet. Its amazing how the unimportant has so much ability to clog the arteries of our spiritual heart. Staring at a computer screen has the ability to numb the spirt, entrap the soul, and cause our bodies to fall almost into slumber.
Delt with my first wierd person who had nothing to say to me. Bye, you'll be missed. Then the wierd long awkward pause as the reality began to show that even though I had tried to explain it to them, they missed what I was saying and really just didnt get it. Dont cover it up. Dont stop what you're doing, don't doubt the ministry. Because I've left, do people think that I dont care about what happens as I leave. Dont you think I know theres a whole that no one is prepared to fill. Theres anguish in my heart over this. When I left Student Venture it took five people to take over my position. Is that pride on my part, I hope not. Rather a realization of two things.
First, God has gifted me well, trained me well, and caused life circumstances to grow me into a very capible and compitent man. I need to be wise in the application of these gifts.
Second, I need to be a man who disciples well, so that when I am called to other things, there are those ready to take my space if they havnt aready begun to push me out. Im almost thinking that no ministry should be even started with out having disciples already inplace to begin learning. Jesus practiced this principle. He called the disciples first, then went about his ministry. This also means that instead of fitting disciples into your busy schedule of ministry, the disciples become what ever ministry you choose to do.
Its not overyet. Its amazing how the unimportant has so much ability to clog the arteries of our spiritual heart. Staring at a computer screen has the ability to numb the spirt, entrap the soul, and cause our bodies to fall almost into slumber.
Delt with my first wierd person who had nothing to say to me. Bye, you'll be missed. Then the wierd long awkward pause as the reality began to show that even though I had tried to explain it to them, they missed what I was saying and really just didnt get it. Dont cover it up. Dont stop what you're doing, don't doubt the ministry. Because I've left, do people think that I dont care about what happens as I leave. Dont you think I know theres a whole that no one is prepared to fill. Theres anguish in my heart over this. When I left Student Venture it took five people to take over my position. Is that pride on my part, I hope not. Rather a realization of two things.
First, God has gifted me well, trained me well, and caused life circumstances to grow me into a very capible and compitent man. I need to be wise in the application of these gifts.
Second, I need to be a man who disciples well, so that when I am called to other things, there are those ready to take my space if they havnt aready begun to push me out. Im almost thinking that no ministry should be even started with out having disciples already inplace to begin learning. Jesus practiced this principle. He called the disciples first, then went about his ministry. This also means that instead of fitting disciples into your busy schedule of ministry, the disciples become what ever ministry you choose to do.
Then there was evening and morning. The first day.
Oh the spiritual implications of sleep. I once had someone describe different sorts of people and the different levels and types of tiredness that people needed to hear from God. Now I’m not saying that God cannot communicate whenever he wishes too. I'm just saying that most people, including myself, have a mode in which we operate best. Some people need physical tiredness to communicate with God. These can be your outdoorsy type people who “find God in nature” in the most orthodox interpretation of that phrase. Others need a weariness of the mind to hear well from God. These are your early morning risers who get up at 4 in the morning because that’s when they are less distracted by the on goings of the day. Then there are those who operate on a moderate level of constant fatigue. These people normally are your servant types in the church who can hear from God while serving, whether that’s vacuuming or doing dishes. Then there are the people who need to be totally at the top of their game to really hear from God. Well rested, have already been awake for a while, and have the time to sit and think.
All that to say, that I need sleep to hear from God.
So today I started a new (old?) journey to find out what God has for me (and my pretty girl); where he is leading us and what he is calling us to do. I started what amounts to a sabbatical- time taken to seek God for direction in ministry. I stepped down from any sort of official role in my church, I’ll probably have to give back my keys, clean out my bookshelf and my picture probably wont hang on the wall any more (though I wonder if I can get that picture, its kinda nice). I don’t even know if I’m still invited to the Christmas party next week.
It probably looks sudden to those around me. Its okay. I'm not super ready to have to explain myself to people but I guess I will have to say something. Perhaps that I want to be where God wants me, and I don’t know where that is right now. True, yes. Vague; that too.
The reality is that when I started at the church it was with a certain set of conditions. I knew I would have to work out side of the church to make ends meet. I mean seriously what church can afford (or has the vision) to hire three guys to run one ministry outside of what happens on a Sunday morning. No, I knew going in that I would probably never get paid here. I was to be in charge of the worship gathering of our main group. Leading, teaching and a developing a group of people with a heart to bring people to the presence of God in a real way that would cause them to ascribe worth to Him. I was also to be in charge of writing. What does that mean? Well we didn’t know either except for the fact that I was good at writing, and it seemed that God was using things that I had already written in different people’ lives, so we said yes I should be in charge of writing. Anything else? Well yeah I should share in the teaching responsibilities. Fine and dandy I guess, but really I'm not that great of a public speaker, at least not to large crowds, and not to people who look at you with blank stares and you just sit and wonder, is any of this sinking in? I like interaction. I like to answer questions and have discussions, I like to scratch where people itch, in the sense that I want to talk about what people really are thinking about and give them God’s perspective (does that assume too much on my part, maybe, but its my journal and if you don’t like it, write you own)
So how did I do at those things? Well as I sat to do a “three-sixty” evaluation of myself, my ministry partners, and our ministry, I couldn’t really help but look at what I was doing and evaluate anything other than “fails to meet expectations.” Was it because I was in some blatant sin? No I don’t think so. It was different, other than that. It was that life had changed for me. When we started, I was a single guy, in college, living in a place without running water or heat or a stove that I only paid $100 a month to rent a room. I had a job with flexible hours and I had this strange desire to succeed and help out those around me as much as a could. Some people saw this as passion and faithfulness. Others saw it as foolhardy and youthful exuberance. Nobody really saw it as a continuation of co-dependence on a system that felt very safe to me. “Succeed” I told my self “and somebody will take notice” A servant’s heart is what I was told I had. And my varied experience, my competence at many different things and fierce confidence in my ability to figure things out only allowed me to excel at filling in the gaps for people. All of this meant my cell phone rang a lot. And my desire to be liked and accepted by people meant I rarely said no. And now I'm supposed to be in charge of all this stuff? I did what any highly competent man pleaser would do. I work hard. I stayed up late, I sacrificed friendships, and I sacrificed my school worked. So the “ministry” looked good but the reality was that I was not a healthy guy.
And so in the last six months I have been growing in my realization that my place in the kingdom depends less and less on the things I do, and more and more on who I am. God has created each of us to function with him in different ways. And he’s created us to be healthy.
I am a Son of God. There are boundaries that God has, I think, built in to each one of us. Principled the same but manifested in different ways. They are the boundaries that allow us to live in freedom, but once we over-step those bounds, suddenly there is bondage and not freedom. I, in my commitments, had overstepped these bounds.
And in trying to bring myself back into right accord, I became unable to fulfill those tasks that I had once under taken. But I was trying. We are all called to be administers of the good news of the coming of the messiah. But being a pastor of a group of people is a totally different undertaking. Work, healthy boundaries, and full-time ministry quickly overflowed my schedule. I pulled out of as many “non-essential” peripheral ministries as I could.
I don’t know where I'm going with this right now. Maybe I’ll change this later and call all this history the back-story, so that I can actually write what I'm thinking with out so much explanation.
So things I did today.
Got up early and took Sarah to work- Realized that once we are married, there will be some thing to rising and going to bed on the same schedule whenever possible.
Prayed while I tried to go back to sleep-
Prayers consisted of asking God what he wanted me to do.
Response: It’s about time.
Realize that because of my lack of strength and energy, I was unwilling to seek God in what he wanted from me in the fear that he might want to “add” to my plate
Went and met with some people I work at the church with
Sorta weird. I think I feel way more okay with it than other people did. Felt like they were justifying why they thought it was time for me to step down for a while. Weird conversations about whether I had been supported in all of my change. They felt they had, but really I felt abandoned by them. Anybody who calls my future wife a Jezebel because she would like to see me healthy in my life and fulfilled in my ministry doesn’t rank real high with me on the support list. Mostly I felt condemnation. Mostly I felt confused, like out of one corner of their mouth they said, “Yes be healthy” and out of the other “How come you aren’t doing more.”
Left church but was called and asked what I wanted to celebrate about leaving. Had no answer, because I didn’t think what I was celebrating would go over well.
Hmm
Celebrating freedom from bondage that I had created for myself.
Celebrating the son who realized he wasn’t a slave.
Celebrating the chance to explore relationships with people who I feel actually have my health in mind and not what I can bring to their program
Things like that get left unsaid. I'm sure it will be some mumbo jumbo about me seeking God and what he has for me, True and untrue. I already know what he has to offer me. Health, Abundant life. Sonship. These are all things that I have instinctive, experiential, and scriptural understandings of, both their presence and their absence.
Took a nap. Remember the spiritual significance of sleep. Here it is. I'm tired a lot. Even inside of the boundaries that I have set after discovering them in myself I still push right up to the edge whenever I can. And sleep for me is a powerful tool to seek God. I have dreams, I have visions. Do I talk about them much? No. But if you want to know how Sarah and kinda figured out that we should really look at dating one another, it started with a praying and fasting woman, and a praying and fasting man. And God giving us each dreams as an answer to each other’s prayer. Did we know this? Not at the time. Sarah was in Russia, I was in the States. I prayed that my wife would be revealing herself to me. Sarah has a dream. She then prays and fasts food for me for three days while I’m sleeping that I might have dreams. I dream the same dream 3 nights in a row. Which I finally tell her about on the third day. Sorta felt like Dan’s angle in the bible. The answer had already been sent, but she continued to pray and fast cause she didn’t know it yet. God has given me specific visions. Pictures from people’s lives. Words on their faces. A vision of the story of my life. Some times with phrases that I don’t understand but keep. The first was in the response to a gal I knew. Her life was in shambles but she was totally able to pass off that she was doing great and I believed her. Then a vision came. Took my breath away. No frame of reference for me just bam. And it was all that had happened to her over the past 4 years. And a word “Adultery”. Vision # 1
Vision # 2 a couple of months later I was praying, God I'm just having a hard time trusting, of following when I don’t know where you are leading. And I woke up, this time with a vision of my life, a bunch of snapshot, flipped through at high speed, photos of my life, past present and future with the phrase “Occupy the land”
Vision # 3 today; waking up from my nap. A crowd of people with large letters above them “Father to the fatherless” A description of God? A description of a new emphasis in my life? A description of need in my life? I don’t know. Still working on what it means
Then I went and had some sushi and went Christmas shopping.
So some things to consider and pray for.
Guidance
What my next step is to be
Strength to follow what he says
That I would embrace it when it hurts that I might know what it means to be a son and not a slave
And man does it hurt sometimes. I have the experience today of a huge range of emotions. Uncontrollably sobbing to elation. Sadness that comes at the death of a thing, and yet also the feeling of a lifted burden.
Oh God show me what it means to be your son.
All that to say, that I need sleep to hear from God.
So today I started a new (old?) journey to find out what God has for me (and my pretty girl); where he is leading us and what he is calling us to do. I started what amounts to a sabbatical- time taken to seek God for direction in ministry. I stepped down from any sort of official role in my church, I’ll probably have to give back my keys, clean out my bookshelf and my picture probably wont hang on the wall any more (though I wonder if I can get that picture, its kinda nice). I don’t even know if I’m still invited to the Christmas party next week.
It probably looks sudden to those around me. Its okay. I'm not super ready to have to explain myself to people but I guess I will have to say something. Perhaps that I want to be where God wants me, and I don’t know where that is right now. True, yes. Vague; that too.
The reality is that when I started at the church it was with a certain set of conditions. I knew I would have to work out side of the church to make ends meet. I mean seriously what church can afford (or has the vision) to hire three guys to run one ministry outside of what happens on a Sunday morning. No, I knew going in that I would probably never get paid here. I was to be in charge of the worship gathering of our main group. Leading, teaching and a developing a group of people with a heart to bring people to the presence of God in a real way that would cause them to ascribe worth to Him. I was also to be in charge of writing. What does that mean? Well we didn’t know either except for the fact that I was good at writing, and it seemed that God was using things that I had already written in different people’ lives, so we said yes I should be in charge of writing. Anything else? Well yeah I should share in the teaching responsibilities. Fine and dandy I guess, but really I'm not that great of a public speaker, at least not to large crowds, and not to people who look at you with blank stares and you just sit and wonder, is any of this sinking in? I like interaction. I like to answer questions and have discussions, I like to scratch where people itch, in the sense that I want to talk about what people really are thinking about and give them God’s perspective (does that assume too much on my part, maybe, but its my journal and if you don’t like it, write you own)
So how did I do at those things? Well as I sat to do a “three-sixty” evaluation of myself, my ministry partners, and our ministry, I couldn’t really help but look at what I was doing and evaluate anything other than “fails to meet expectations.” Was it because I was in some blatant sin? No I don’t think so. It was different, other than that. It was that life had changed for me. When we started, I was a single guy, in college, living in a place without running water or heat or a stove that I only paid $100 a month to rent a room. I had a job with flexible hours and I had this strange desire to succeed and help out those around me as much as a could. Some people saw this as passion and faithfulness. Others saw it as foolhardy and youthful exuberance. Nobody really saw it as a continuation of co-dependence on a system that felt very safe to me. “Succeed” I told my self “and somebody will take notice” A servant’s heart is what I was told I had. And my varied experience, my competence at many different things and fierce confidence in my ability to figure things out only allowed me to excel at filling in the gaps for people. All of this meant my cell phone rang a lot. And my desire to be liked and accepted by people meant I rarely said no. And now I'm supposed to be in charge of all this stuff? I did what any highly competent man pleaser would do. I work hard. I stayed up late, I sacrificed friendships, and I sacrificed my school worked. So the “ministry” looked good but the reality was that I was not a healthy guy.
And so in the last six months I have been growing in my realization that my place in the kingdom depends less and less on the things I do, and more and more on who I am. God has created each of us to function with him in different ways. And he’s created us to be healthy.
I am a Son of God. There are boundaries that God has, I think, built in to each one of us. Principled the same but manifested in different ways. They are the boundaries that allow us to live in freedom, but once we over-step those bounds, suddenly there is bondage and not freedom. I, in my commitments, had overstepped these bounds.
And in trying to bring myself back into right accord, I became unable to fulfill those tasks that I had once under taken. But I was trying. We are all called to be administers of the good news of the coming of the messiah. But being a pastor of a group of people is a totally different undertaking. Work, healthy boundaries, and full-time ministry quickly overflowed my schedule. I pulled out of as many “non-essential” peripheral ministries as I could.
I don’t know where I'm going with this right now. Maybe I’ll change this later and call all this history the back-story, so that I can actually write what I'm thinking with out so much explanation.
So things I did today.
Got up early and took Sarah to work- Realized that once we are married, there will be some thing to rising and going to bed on the same schedule whenever possible.
Prayed while I tried to go back to sleep-
Prayers consisted of asking God what he wanted me to do.
Response: It’s about time.
Realize that because of my lack of strength and energy, I was unwilling to seek God in what he wanted from me in the fear that he might want to “add” to my plate
Went and met with some people I work at the church with
Sorta weird. I think I feel way more okay with it than other people did. Felt like they were justifying why they thought it was time for me to step down for a while. Weird conversations about whether I had been supported in all of my change. They felt they had, but really I felt abandoned by them. Anybody who calls my future wife a Jezebel because she would like to see me healthy in my life and fulfilled in my ministry doesn’t rank real high with me on the support list. Mostly I felt condemnation. Mostly I felt confused, like out of one corner of their mouth they said, “Yes be healthy” and out of the other “How come you aren’t doing more.”
Left church but was called and asked what I wanted to celebrate about leaving. Had no answer, because I didn’t think what I was celebrating would go over well.
Hmm
Celebrating freedom from bondage that I had created for myself.
Celebrating the son who realized he wasn’t a slave.
Celebrating the chance to explore relationships with people who I feel actually have my health in mind and not what I can bring to their program
Things like that get left unsaid. I'm sure it will be some mumbo jumbo about me seeking God and what he has for me, True and untrue. I already know what he has to offer me. Health, Abundant life. Sonship. These are all things that I have instinctive, experiential, and scriptural understandings of, both their presence and their absence.
Took a nap. Remember the spiritual significance of sleep. Here it is. I'm tired a lot. Even inside of the boundaries that I have set after discovering them in myself I still push right up to the edge whenever I can. And sleep for me is a powerful tool to seek God. I have dreams, I have visions. Do I talk about them much? No. But if you want to know how Sarah and kinda figured out that we should really look at dating one another, it started with a praying and fasting woman, and a praying and fasting man. And God giving us each dreams as an answer to each other’s prayer. Did we know this? Not at the time. Sarah was in Russia, I was in the States. I prayed that my wife would be revealing herself to me. Sarah has a dream. She then prays and fasts food for me for three days while I’m sleeping that I might have dreams. I dream the same dream 3 nights in a row. Which I finally tell her about on the third day. Sorta felt like Dan’s angle in the bible. The answer had already been sent, but she continued to pray and fast cause she didn’t know it yet. God has given me specific visions. Pictures from people’s lives. Words on their faces. A vision of the story of my life. Some times with phrases that I don’t understand but keep. The first was in the response to a gal I knew. Her life was in shambles but she was totally able to pass off that she was doing great and I believed her. Then a vision came. Took my breath away. No frame of reference for me just bam. And it was all that had happened to her over the past 4 years. And a word “Adultery”. Vision # 1
Vision # 2 a couple of months later I was praying, God I'm just having a hard time trusting, of following when I don’t know where you are leading. And I woke up, this time with a vision of my life, a bunch of snapshot, flipped through at high speed, photos of my life, past present and future with the phrase “Occupy the land”
Vision # 3 today; waking up from my nap. A crowd of people with large letters above them “Father to the fatherless” A description of God? A description of a new emphasis in my life? A description of need in my life? I don’t know. Still working on what it means
Then I went and had some sushi and went Christmas shopping.
So some things to consider and pray for.
Guidance
What my next step is to be
Strength to follow what he says
That I would embrace it when it hurts that I might know what it means to be a son and not a slave
And man does it hurt sometimes. I have the experience today of a huge range of emotions. Uncontrollably sobbing to elation. Sadness that comes at the death of a thing, and yet also the feeling of a lifted burden.
Oh God show me what it means to be your son.
October 28, 2006
Through Painted Deserts
Its friday.
I sat down to read a book last night. Not one of those carfully thought out books that I heard about and looked into. No, it was one of those randomly chosen, spur of the moment books that I picked up at the B&N when I was buying some books for my Islam class.
I got hooked at the intro:
"We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed"
Did you catch that. Everything will still be here when you get back.
It is you who will have changed.
And I was digging it. I started reading the first chapter. Not two lines into it I started thinking wow this sounds really familiar. Then I hit this line
"Paul and I are quiet, our thoughts muffled by the tin-can rattle of his 1971 Volkswagen camping van" I went to my shelf, pulled off a copy of "Prayer and the Art of Volkswagon Maintainace." Same book. Same author. Diffrent title.
I guess since donald miller wrote the "Blue like Jazz" he wanted to rerelease a book Ive had for 5 or 6 years. So I started reading it again. And you know what. He was right. It was me that changed.
"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." DM
I sat down to read a book last night. Not one of those carfully thought out books that I heard about and looked into. No, it was one of those randomly chosen, spur of the moment books that I picked up at the B&N when I was buying some books for my Islam class.
I got hooked at the intro:
"We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed"
Did you catch that. Everything will still be here when you get back.
It is you who will have changed.
And I was digging it. I started reading the first chapter. Not two lines into it I started thinking wow this sounds really familiar. Then I hit this line
"Paul and I are quiet, our thoughts muffled by the tin-can rattle of his 1971 Volkswagen camping van" I went to my shelf, pulled off a copy of "Prayer and the Art of Volkswagon Maintainace." Same book. Same author. Diffrent title.
I guess since donald miller wrote the "Blue like Jazz" he wanted to rerelease a book Ive had for 5 or 6 years. So I started reading it again. And you know what. He was right. It was me that changed.
"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." DM
October 26, 2006
Kicking and Screaming
God is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him.- Jack Lewis
In the Trinity Term of I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape?-Jack Lewis
In the Trinity Term of I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape?-Jack Lewis
October 18, 2006
The Invisible
Curse the man who said all you need is the bible and God. (Not really, but he is a moron, a good intentioned and well meaning moron, but a moron none the less) The visable church (ie the parishoners who meet in the building on Sunday mornings) that visable and boring service, where the pastor wears the wrong color tie and the person in the pew next to you smells and sings off key, that visable church is our connection point to the invisable chuch, you know that scary all powerful one that streches across the centuries and sends satan and his minions quaking in his boots. Instead of thinking 'how does anything this pastor says apply to me', try 'how do I fit into the invisible church, into the bod of the Christ.'
October 12, 2006
Soul
Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you.-Jack Lewis
Doenst it seem strange that the majority of my time is spent struggling aganst my self... that it is my inmost desires that cause the wellspring of selfishness and pride that leave me exausted; having given me my fill of sin while still leaving me so empty inside.
Sin is living insuch a way that we were not designed for.
In the same way that our bodies need oxygen and food and water and cant live on certain things, our souls were designed to need Him. And how much more important are our souls. Because we are not bodies with souls, we are souls with bodies. And those things which we cling to so tightly, will eventually crumble till we are grasping for dust in the lonley places.
And so I fell lost into that lonleyness...
But there the silence and the solitude began to overtake me. It rushed at me, deafening me with the roar of silence. Everything that I had been able to rationalize, every feeling, every thought, every action came back to me and the realization came to me that I was more broken than I thought. I had spent so much time away that I wasn't sure I was even His anymore. And I couldn't tell anybody. How could I? Here was a pastor who had reached the pinicle and found that he had been climbing the wrong peak. That what looks like success in ministry may not lead to that place where I find rest for my weary soul.
And in the lonleyness of my everyday existance, i began to hear a voice that had been calling the same thing since the creation of the world. "Adam where are you?" It had been so long since I had heard that voice that I almost didnt recognize him as friend. And feably I called out with a voice parched from the desert, "Here I am."
And thats when He takes me into His solitude, to that quieter, simpler life, where I can stop fussing and freting, to a place thats out of the wind.
What is the point of all this?
Though I hate to be lonley, it is often the prescription that my diseased soul need. It allows for that 'moment of reflection' where all that seemed so nessisary passes by the wayside and all that I had pushed to the wayside becomes absolutly nessisary.
Lonlyness and solitude and silence are not bad things.
They lead us to prayer.
They lead us to Him
And He has offered us rest for our weary souls.
-Adam Thomas
Doenst it seem strange that the majority of my time is spent struggling aganst my self... that it is my inmost desires that cause the wellspring of selfishness and pride that leave me exausted; having given me my fill of sin while still leaving me so empty inside.
Sin is living insuch a way that we were not designed for.
In the same way that our bodies need oxygen and food and water and cant live on certain things, our souls were designed to need Him. And how much more important are our souls. Because we are not bodies with souls, we are souls with bodies. And those things which we cling to so tightly, will eventually crumble till we are grasping for dust in the lonley places.
And so I fell lost into that lonleyness...
But there the silence and the solitude began to overtake me. It rushed at me, deafening me with the roar of silence. Everything that I had been able to rationalize, every feeling, every thought, every action came back to me and the realization came to me that I was more broken than I thought. I had spent so much time away that I wasn't sure I was even His anymore. And I couldn't tell anybody. How could I? Here was a pastor who had reached the pinicle and found that he had been climbing the wrong peak. That what looks like success in ministry may not lead to that place where I find rest for my weary soul.
And in the lonleyness of my everyday existance, i began to hear a voice that had been calling the same thing since the creation of the world. "Adam where are you?" It had been so long since I had heard that voice that I almost didnt recognize him as friend. And feably I called out with a voice parched from the desert, "Here I am."
And thats when He takes me into His solitude, to that quieter, simpler life, where I can stop fussing and freting, to a place thats out of the wind.
What is the point of all this?
Though I hate to be lonley, it is often the prescription that my diseased soul need. It allows for that 'moment of reflection' where all that seemed so nessisary passes by the wayside and all that I had pushed to the wayside becomes absolutly nessisary.
Lonlyness and solitude and silence are not bad things.
They lead us to prayer.
They lead us to Him
And He has offered us rest for our weary souls.
-Adam Thomas
October 11, 2006
Noise
TV enthralls me sometimes. I don..t have cable or satellite at my house so normally I don..t watch TV, so when I see a commercial for the first time, I watch it, staring with intense interest and finding myself laughing at a lot of them. Like the one where the mobsters are dragging a body out of their trunk to dump in the river and the satellite radio starts playing ..I just died in your arms tonight.... Okay funny right? But other commercials, which most people either ignore or flip channels through really make me take a step back and think about what is really being communicated about our society.
Take for example one I saw for a broadband card for your laptop computer that allowed you to go online anywhere there was cell phone reception. It..s oft used and maybe over repeated mantra was ..Get connected.. Get connected? I asked myself. What was I supposed to be connected to? Does this mean that up until now I..ve been disconnected? I know, I know it..s just a marketing ploy, but the reality is that most of us are pretty connected. Take myself for example. Start with my computer. I was writing this on my laptop sitting in Starbucks. At the same time, I had a couple of programs open. One was my instant messaging. No body was on except for Aaron and I had already talked to him once that day. But just incase Willy or Glen or Sarah came on I had myself labeled as ..Available... The next program I had open was my mail program. It goes on the Internet every 5 minutes to check for new mail. (The original setting was 15 minutes, I changed it to every minute at first but found that it made my computer run pretty slow on the internet so I compromised) It goes and checks two different emails I have just incase somebody was to send me an email message. If that..s not enough it then the two blogs I have setup send me messages anytime something changes. If somebody leaves me a comment or posts a new blog I know about it within a few minutes. (Though I..ve never tested the response time.. hmm a new experiment for tomorrow). I..ve got a cell phone and two different work phone lines for a grand total of three emails.
And I know a lot of you have similar systems set up. What is it that drives our desire to be connected? Do I really want or need that much information at my finger tips? Or is something else that drives us; that drives me.
The desire to be connected, to be so available that we don't ..miss.. anything that happens, whether its online, at school, hanging out with friends, the newest band or the latest show, the sweetest skateboard move or crash, all of this is driven by a sense of loneliness. How do I know this? I don..t want to be lonely so I reach out for any sense of ..being connected.. I can find. Because loneliness is the edge of a much bigger feeling of being alone. When we are lonely suddenly all sorts of doubts plague us. I'm not good enough, nobody likes me, and nobody understands me. And I try to solve those problems by being ..more likable.. or wanting to change things up or by trying harder to be ..good enough.. for people. And it works for a while. Have you noticed that? It works, kinda I guess. But soon those feelings start creeping back into my life and all of a sudden I'm faced with having to deal with all those same issues again.
So what do we do about all of this? I keep coming back to a scripture in () that says that Jesus often withdrew to the lonely places to pray. I find myself constantly running form the lonely places in my life. Yet Jesus did the opposite. Why? Why would anyone in their right mind run towards some thing that leaves them feeling empty? Scripture says he went there to pray. I don..t know what your idea of prayer is, but here..s the deal, it..s a time to speak to the creator of the universe. Okay that..s kinda intimidating right? Like going to talk to the president. Except that he created you too. Lovingly created you. Lovingly created you to be lonely. What? Were created to be lonely? I think so. I'm not positive, but loneliness seems to be a constant theme throughout the lives of the Heroes of the faith, and in their loneliness they cried out to God. Read through the psalms sometimes. God created loneliness to draw us to himself. We try to fill ourselves up with all sorts of other things, I did and still do. But he created us as lonely needy creatures that he might show us his love and his compassion to us.
So if you..re feeling lonely, try turning off the cell phone instead of calling people to hang out. Turn off the Internet and stop checking your MySpace. Don..t flip on the TV. Instead grab a bible, grab some pen and paper and go have a conversation with God the one who made you and see what he has been longing to say to you.
Take for example one I saw for a broadband card for your laptop computer that allowed you to go online anywhere there was cell phone reception. It..s oft used and maybe over repeated mantra was ..Get connected.. Get connected? I asked myself. What was I supposed to be connected to? Does this mean that up until now I..ve been disconnected? I know, I know it..s just a marketing ploy, but the reality is that most of us are pretty connected. Take myself for example. Start with my computer. I was writing this on my laptop sitting in Starbucks. At the same time, I had a couple of programs open. One was my instant messaging. No body was on except for Aaron and I had already talked to him once that day. But just incase Willy or Glen or Sarah came on I had myself labeled as ..Available... The next program I had open was my mail program. It goes on the Internet every 5 minutes to check for new mail. (The original setting was 15 minutes, I changed it to every minute at first but found that it made my computer run pretty slow on the internet so I compromised) It goes and checks two different emails I have just incase somebody was to send me an email message. If that..s not enough it then the two blogs I have setup send me messages anytime something changes. If somebody leaves me a comment or posts a new blog I know about it within a few minutes. (Though I..ve never tested the response time.. hmm a new experiment for tomorrow). I..ve got a cell phone and two different work phone lines for a grand total of three emails.
And I know a lot of you have similar systems set up. What is it that drives our desire to be connected? Do I really want or need that much information at my finger tips? Or is something else that drives us; that drives me.
The desire to be connected, to be so available that we don't ..miss.. anything that happens, whether its online, at school, hanging out with friends, the newest band or the latest show, the sweetest skateboard move or crash, all of this is driven by a sense of loneliness. How do I know this? I don..t want to be lonely so I reach out for any sense of ..being connected.. I can find. Because loneliness is the edge of a much bigger feeling of being alone. When we are lonely suddenly all sorts of doubts plague us. I'm not good enough, nobody likes me, and nobody understands me. And I try to solve those problems by being ..more likable.. or wanting to change things up or by trying harder to be ..good enough.. for people. And it works for a while. Have you noticed that? It works, kinda I guess. But soon those feelings start creeping back into my life and all of a sudden I'm faced with having to deal with all those same issues again.
So what do we do about all of this? I keep coming back to a scripture in () that says that Jesus often withdrew to the lonely places to pray. I find myself constantly running form the lonely places in my life. Yet Jesus did the opposite. Why? Why would anyone in their right mind run towards some thing that leaves them feeling empty? Scripture says he went there to pray. I don..t know what your idea of prayer is, but here..s the deal, it..s a time to speak to the creator of the universe. Okay that..s kinda intimidating right? Like going to talk to the president. Except that he created you too. Lovingly created you. Lovingly created you to be lonely. What? Were created to be lonely? I think so. I'm not positive, but loneliness seems to be a constant theme throughout the lives of the Heroes of the faith, and in their loneliness they cried out to God. Read through the psalms sometimes. God created loneliness to draw us to himself. We try to fill ourselves up with all sorts of other things, I did and still do. But he created us as lonely needy creatures that he might show us his love and his compassion to us.
So if you..re feeling lonely, try turning off the cell phone instead of calling people to hang out. Turn off the Internet and stop checking your MySpace. Don..t flip on the TV. Instead grab a bible, grab some pen and paper and go have a conversation with God the one who made you and see what he has been longing to say to you.
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