Is this the land?

...feeling lost today...
...unsure of what comes next, of who comes next...
...scared that God might be more real than I have thought Him to be and that I might have to make a change in my own life accordingly...
...what to do...
...random thoughts at 2 in the morning of selling everything, and trusting God to do what He has said He would do: to feed, to clothe and to be with me as I walk with Him...
...His promice of the abundant life!
Where is this abbundant life? It comes when Im not even looking for it! In comes in the simplicty of spending time with people you dont know well as you sit and paint and get little glimses of the person that Jesus has made them to be. It comes in sitting at In and Out at Midnight and talking about hopes and dreams for the future. Its in random late night phone calls. Its in holding Boston. Its in having paint under your finger nails and a tired body that says to you "Yes I lived today." Its in talking in the cold for three hours and in prayer that you actually mean. Its in the tears and the heart ache. Its in vuneralbility. Its in fixing relationships and friendships; doing the hard things that you dont want to do. Its in doing everything that you are already doing; but with a change in attitude, a change in the soul that says "Here, I am here and called here." Its a connecting those that seem so disconnected. Its in seeing the broken fixed, the blindman who now sees and the cripple who runs and leaps and shouts for joy.
"Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you"-Josh 1:3
But am I willing to step where I am supposed to go? To tread into the abundant life? To go and take the land that was promiced me?
"So many miles behind
Still I drive with the pedal down
I was off the map hours back
It's beneath the seat, I think
It's with two pennies and a match
And something else, I can't remember
But in the time that it would take to fish it out
I'll be another mile gone
And I feel so wrong
Trying to feel right
In light of all the things I've passed
You'd think that I'd have learned
(Chorus)
This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words, I just want some peace"
-Not the land Caedmon's Call
Is this the land?
Did I live today?

Get out of the car

There was a video we wanted to make once that I was thinking about today. The idea was this. Guy; stuck in traffic; faint rock music in the background (maybe even "Highway to Hell")
Guy comes up, taps on the window.
"Hey you wanna get out of this traffic jam?"
"Sure..."
"Its easy, all youve got to do is get out of the car."
"What?!? Are you nuts, just leave my car here? Now? What will happen to it, I mean will I get it back?"
"Yes leave it, leave it now. Dont worry, we're going to take a much smaller and narrower path, one that leads from the city, from the illusion of day, from the bright lights and the glitzs, out into the desert."
"The desert?!?! Its hot and theres nothing there..."
"I'm there. Its not that im not here too, but the noise can cause people not to listen. Even now with the roar of motors and horns its hard to hear me. And the desert is still and quiet and there we can talk. Because all of this (he waves his had at the traffic) is leading to destruction. Its wide and easy and lots of people go this way."
"But what about my car? I still have payments..."
"It will not fit. The way we will go will be so narrow and tight that nothing but who you are will fit. Nothing youve built, nothing you have and nothing youve done will fit through where we must pass."
"Nothing?!? But ive done so much and seen so much, ive been apart of so much..."
"Yes but they dont tell you who you are. They arnt who you are."
"So who am I?"
"That's what we are going to find out."
"Who are you?"
"That's also some thing you're going to find out"
"So you want me to get out?"
"Yes"
"Right now?"
"Yes"
"Umm" He reaches accross to grab his breifcase out of the passanger seat.
"You wont need that"
"Umm" He reaches to turn the keys off to his car.
"You wont need those either"
"Umm" he starts to grab a map out of the side door.
"Nor that. Come my child. Come with me. I will show you the way."
And he openned his door stepped out onto the asphalt and set out on a new journey, that might cost him more than he was willing to give, but in which he would find his life again.
-Adam Thomas