Its friday.
I sat down to read a book last night. Not one of those carfully thought out books that I heard about and looked into. No, it was one of those randomly chosen, spur of the moment books that I picked up at the B&N when I was buying some books for my Islam class.
I got hooked at the intro:
"We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed"
Did you catch that. Everything will still be here when you get back.
It is you who will have changed.
And I was digging it. I started reading the first chapter. Not two lines into it I started thinking wow this sounds really familiar. Then I hit this line
"Paul and I are quiet, our thoughts muffled by the tin-can rattle of his 1971 Volkswagen camping van" I went to my shelf, pulled off a copy of "Prayer and the Art of Volkswagon Maintainace." Same book. Same author. Diffrent title.
I guess since donald miller wrote the "Blue like Jazz" he wanted to rerelease a book Ive had for 5 or 6 years. So I started reading it again. And you know what. He was right. It was me that changed.
"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." DM
October 28, 2006
October 26, 2006
Kicking and Screaming
God is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him.- Jack Lewis
In the Trinity Term of I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape?-Jack Lewis
In the Trinity Term of I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape?-Jack Lewis
October 18, 2006
The Invisible
Curse the man who said all you need is the bible and God. (Not really, but he is a moron, a good intentioned and well meaning moron, but a moron none the less) The visable church (ie the parishoners who meet in the building on Sunday mornings) that visable and boring service, where the pastor wears the wrong color tie and the person in the pew next to you smells and sings off key, that visable church is our connection point to the invisable chuch, you know that scary all powerful one that streches across the centuries and sends satan and his minions quaking in his boots. Instead of thinking 'how does anything this pastor says apply to me', try 'how do I fit into the invisible church, into the bod of the Christ.'
October 12, 2006
Soul
Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you.-Jack Lewis
Doenst it seem strange that the majority of my time is spent struggling aganst my self... that it is my inmost desires that cause the wellspring of selfishness and pride that leave me exausted; having given me my fill of sin while still leaving me so empty inside.
Sin is living insuch a way that we were not designed for.
In the same way that our bodies need oxygen and food and water and cant live on certain things, our souls were designed to need Him. And how much more important are our souls. Because we are not bodies with souls, we are souls with bodies. And those things which we cling to so tightly, will eventually crumble till we are grasping for dust in the lonley places.
And so I fell lost into that lonleyness...
But there the silence and the solitude began to overtake me. It rushed at me, deafening me with the roar of silence. Everything that I had been able to rationalize, every feeling, every thought, every action came back to me and the realization came to me that I was more broken than I thought. I had spent so much time away that I wasn't sure I was even His anymore. And I couldn't tell anybody. How could I? Here was a pastor who had reached the pinicle and found that he had been climbing the wrong peak. That what looks like success in ministry may not lead to that place where I find rest for my weary soul.
And in the lonleyness of my everyday existance, i began to hear a voice that had been calling the same thing since the creation of the world. "Adam where are you?" It had been so long since I had heard that voice that I almost didnt recognize him as friend. And feably I called out with a voice parched from the desert, "Here I am."
And thats when He takes me into His solitude, to that quieter, simpler life, where I can stop fussing and freting, to a place thats out of the wind.
What is the point of all this?
Though I hate to be lonley, it is often the prescription that my diseased soul need. It allows for that 'moment of reflection' where all that seemed so nessisary passes by the wayside and all that I had pushed to the wayside becomes absolutly nessisary.
Lonlyness and solitude and silence are not bad things.
They lead us to prayer.
They lead us to Him
And He has offered us rest for our weary souls.
-Adam Thomas
Doenst it seem strange that the majority of my time is spent struggling aganst my self... that it is my inmost desires that cause the wellspring of selfishness and pride that leave me exausted; having given me my fill of sin while still leaving me so empty inside.
Sin is living insuch a way that we were not designed for.
In the same way that our bodies need oxygen and food and water and cant live on certain things, our souls were designed to need Him. And how much more important are our souls. Because we are not bodies with souls, we are souls with bodies. And those things which we cling to so tightly, will eventually crumble till we are grasping for dust in the lonley places.
And so I fell lost into that lonleyness...
But there the silence and the solitude began to overtake me. It rushed at me, deafening me with the roar of silence. Everything that I had been able to rationalize, every feeling, every thought, every action came back to me and the realization came to me that I was more broken than I thought. I had spent so much time away that I wasn't sure I was even His anymore. And I couldn't tell anybody. How could I? Here was a pastor who had reached the pinicle and found that he had been climbing the wrong peak. That what looks like success in ministry may not lead to that place where I find rest for my weary soul.
And in the lonleyness of my everyday existance, i began to hear a voice that had been calling the same thing since the creation of the world. "Adam where are you?" It had been so long since I had heard that voice that I almost didnt recognize him as friend. And feably I called out with a voice parched from the desert, "Here I am."
And thats when He takes me into His solitude, to that quieter, simpler life, where I can stop fussing and freting, to a place thats out of the wind.
What is the point of all this?
Though I hate to be lonley, it is often the prescription that my diseased soul need. It allows for that 'moment of reflection' where all that seemed so nessisary passes by the wayside and all that I had pushed to the wayside becomes absolutly nessisary.
Lonlyness and solitude and silence are not bad things.
They lead us to prayer.
They lead us to Him
And He has offered us rest for our weary souls.
-Adam Thomas
October 11, 2006
Noise
TV enthralls me sometimes. I don..t have cable or satellite at my house so normally I don..t watch TV, so when I see a commercial for the first time, I watch it, staring with intense interest and finding myself laughing at a lot of them. Like the one where the mobsters are dragging a body out of their trunk to dump in the river and the satellite radio starts playing ..I just died in your arms tonight.... Okay funny right? But other commercials, which most people either ignore or flip channels through really make me take a step back and think about what is really being communicated about our society.
Take for example one I saw for a broadband card for your laptop computer that allowed you to go online anywhere there was cell phone reception. It..s oft used and maybe over repeated mantra was ..Get connected.. Get connected? I asked myself. What was I supposed to be connected to? Does this mean that up until now I..ve been disconnected? I know, I know it..s just a marketing ploy, but the reality is that most of us are pretty connected. Take myself for example. Start with my computer. I was writing this on my laptop sitting in Starbucks. At the same time, I had a couple of programs open. One was my instant messaging. No body was on except for Aaron and I had already talked to him once that day. But just incase Willy or Glen or Sarah came on I had myself labeled as ..Available... The next program I had open was my mail program. It goes on the Internet every 5 minutes to check for new mail. (The original setting was 15 minutes, I changed it to every minute at first but found that it made my computer run pretty slow on the internet so I compromised) It goes and checks two different emails I have just incase somebody was to send me an email message. If that..s not enough it then the two blogs I have setup send me messages anytime something changes. If somebody leaves me a comment or posts a new blog I know about it within a few minutes. (Though I..ve never tested the response time.. hmm a new experiment for tomorrow). I..ve got a cell phone and two different work phone lines for a grand total of three emails.
And I know a lot of you have similar systems set up. What is it that drives our desire to be connected? Do I really want or need that much information at my finger tips? Or is something else that drives us; that drives me.
The desire to be connected, to be so available that we don't ..miss.. anything that happens, whether its online, at school, hanging out with friends, the newest band or the latest show, the sweetest skateboard move or crash, all of this is driven by a sense of loneliness. How do I know this? I don..t want to be lonely so I reach out for any sense of ..being connected.. I can find. Because loneliness is the edge of a much bigger feeling of being alone. When we are lonely suddenly all sorts of doubts plague us. I'm not good enough, nobody likes me, and nobody understands me. And I try to solve those problems by being ..more likable.. or wanting to change things up or by trying harder to be ..good enough.. for people. And it works for a while. Have you noticed that? It works, kinda I guess. But soon those feelings start creeping back into my life and all of a sudden I'm faced with having to deal with all those same issues again.
So what do we do about all of this? I keep coming back to a scripture in () that says that Jesus often withdrew to the lonely places to pray. I find myself constantly running form the lonely places in my life. Yet Jesus did the opposite. Why? Why would anyone in their right mind run towards some thing that leaves them feeling empty? Scripture says he went there to pray. I don..t know what your idea of prayer is, but here..s the deal, it..s a time to speak to the creator of the universe. Okay that..s kinda intimidating right? Like going to talk to the president. Except that he created you too. Lovingly created you. Lovingly created you to be lonely. What? Were created to be lonely? I think so. I'm not positive, but loneliness seems to be a constant theme throughout the lives of the Heroes of the faith, and in their loneliness they cried out to God. Read through the psalms sometimes. God created loneliness to draw us to himself. We try to fill ourselves up with all sorts of other things, I did and still do. But he created us as lonely needy creatures that he might show us his love and his compassion to us.
So if you..re feeling lonely, try turning off the cell phone instead of calling people to hang out. Turn off the Internet and stop checking your MySpace. Don..t flip on the TV. Instead grab a bible, grab some pen and paper and go have a conversation with God the one who made you and see what he has been longing to say to you.
Take for example one I saw for a broadband card for your laptop computer that allowed you to go online anywhere there was cell phone reception. It..s oft used and maybe over repeated mantra was ..Get connected.. Get connected? I asked myself. What was I supposed to be connected to? Does this mean that up until now I..ve been disconnected? I know, I know it..s just a marketing ploy, but the reality is that most of us are pretty connected. Take myself for example. Start with my computer. I was writing this on my laptop sitting in Starbucks. At the same time, I had a couple of programs open. One was my instant messaging. No body was on except for Aaron and I had already talked to him once that day. But just incase Willy or Glen or Sarah came on I had myself labeled as ..Available... The next program I had open was my mail program. It goes on the Internet every 5 minutes to check for new mail. (The original setting was 15 minutes, I changed it to every minute at first but found that it made my computer run pretty slow on the internet so I compromised) It goes and checks two different emails I have just incase somebody was to send me an email message. If that..s not enough it then the two blogs I have setup send me messages anytime something changes. If somebody leaves me a comment or posts a new blog I know about it within a few minutes. (Though I..ve never tested the response time.. hmm a new experiment for tomorrow). I..ve got a cell phone and two different work phone lines for a grand total of three emails.
And I know a lot of you have similar systems set up. What is it that drives our desire to be connected? Do I really want or need that much information at my finger tips? Or is something else that drives us; that drives me.
The desire to be connected, to be so available that we don't ..miss.. anything that happens, whether its online, at school, hanging out with friends, the newest band or the latest show, the sweetest skateboard move or crash, all of this is driven by a sense of loneliness. How do I know this? I don..t want to be lonely so I reach out for any sense of ..being connected.. I can find. Because loneliness is the edge of a much bigger feeling of being alone. When we are lonely suddenly all sorts of doubts plague us. I'm not good enough, nobody likes me, and nobody understands me. And I try to solve those problems by being ..more likable.. or wanting to change things up or by trying harder to be ..good enough.. for people. And it works for a while. Have you noticed that? It works, kinda I guess. But soon those feelings start creeping back into my life and all of a sudden I'm faced with having to deal with all those same issues again.
So what do we do about all of this? I keep coming back to a scripture in () that says that Jesus often withdrew to the lonely places to pray. I find myself constantly running form the lonely places in my life. Yet Jesus did the opposite. Why? Why would anyone in their right mind run towards some thing that leaves them feeling empty? Scripture says he went there to pray. I don..t know what your idea of prayer is, but here..s the deal, it..s a time to speak to the creator of the universe. Okay that..s kinda intimidating right? Like going to talk to the president. Except that he created you too. Lovingly created you. Lovingly created you to be lonely. What? Were created to be lonely? I think so. I'm not positive, but loneliness seems to be a constant theme throughout the lives of the Heroes of the faith, and in their loneliness they cried out to God. Read through the psalms sometimes. God created loneliness to draw us to himself. We try to fill ourselves up with all sorts of other things, I did and still do. But he created us as lonely needy creatures that he might show us his love and his compassion to us.
So if you..re feeling lonely, try turning off the cell phone instead of calling people to hang out. Turn off the Internet and stop checking your MySpace. Don..t flip on the TV. Instead grab a bible, grab some pen and paper and go have a conversation with God the one who made you and see what he has been longing to say to you.
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