I cant seem to decide on music this morning. The location demands something appopriate. Something urban like some Miles Davis beat tracks, but the tinkling of George Winston is calling to me...
It was dark when we landed. The sprawling size of the city was made more apparent by the sheer numbers of lights that spread to the horizon and greeted us with a soft orange glow. But the day would have hidden the size. Riding the "L" to downtown, the lights inside the train make it all but imposible to see out the window. We reached downtown with out so much as going outside so the cold reality hit us when we went outside... its winter here. The condensation of our breath, nipped fingers and ears, and the fogging up of glasses seem to be reminders that we are not in Cali any more. In my hotel room this morning it seemed not to matter if we were in California or Chicago. A hotel room is a hotel room. Untill you draw the shades and reveil the urban landscape of scuring people and bustling cars, and concrete and trees and buildings. The archetecure here is amazing. The buildings are old by my standard, though in most parts of the world they would be considered new construction. There was a church that we saw last night that was over a hundred years old. It was made of rough hewn stone and decretive masonry with large leaded windows and the most amazing wood doors you can immagine that made me take off my glove just to touch it and feel the texture.
There is a overall buzz in our group though it seems we all are a bit tired this morning. Some of its the time zone differance and some of that is the ride on the airplane yesterday. I'm not sure that they had people of my size in mind when they were designing the seating arangements. I pray for unity and discernment for our group as tiredness lends itself to all other sorts of things, like irritability, short tempers and an overall exageration of expression and emotion. I pray for a unity of our group and an overwhelming sense of growth and expectation to outway anything else that might be happening.
The city provides this overwhelming distraction to me and I relized this morning that this town is no differnt than my own, people living out their lives, either in line with God's plan, or ultimatly set against it. There are strugles and joys living side by side and sometimes in the same momment. Its just the the stage for their lives has a much different backdrop.
So I settled on the winston and his piano. Winter into Spring.
Later All
Adam
February 8, 2006
January 9, 2006
Worship
An excerpt from a letter I wrote to a friend... what are your thoughts? or your questions?
First my thoughts on worship. If i was to accuse the mainline protestant denominaions of some transgression it would be on the hows and whys of worship. Dave stanley (and Im sure youve heard it before) says that worship is a life style not an event. However hearing that, and even saying that with heartfelt sentiments doesnt make it true. The truth is that sunday mornings is an event and aside from praying for meals, God is rarley thought about much less talked about and even much less worshiped in the space between sunday morning services. (I just relized that I may rant here, being a supposed "worship leader" so please season my words with grace if I fail to do so.) I say supposed beccause for the most part, the "worship leader" in a church is the guy who can hold a guitar and carry a tune. Do not get me wrong. I love music. It stirs the soul. It helps me worship God. It takes a peice of me that is so inwardly personal and puts it out there for the world to see. But it is not worship.
So what is worship? I know most of the christian answers and I bet you do too. Its hard to put my finger on an answer. The word is used more in the old testament than the new, but it is interesting that most of the time worship= blood. "They took and cow, slaughtered it, and worshiped the Lord." You know, stuff like that. Im not sure about you...but I havent seen a cow slaughtered in a church service. (I have this image of Dave Stanley rolling up his sleeves right now... I'll stop there...). So what is the church todo? What is appropriate and what is right for worship? Ive got two avenues that I want you to think about, one that seems pretty wierd to me but has come to me as Ive been writing and the other one that you are probably more familier with but might need some re-examining (I feel like Im writing a paper for school...I just hit my theological mode)
The first train of thought is acctually more a train of questions, questions that you may come up with diffrent (read Better) ideas than my own. What was the physical act of worship in the OT? Animal sacrifice and prayer. What were the reasons for sacrificing animals? A sheding of blood to cover sins, either against God, or others or both. Any other reasons? For a remeberance and celebration for what God has done, like the feast of passover or weeks or booths. How come we don't sacrifice animals today? Read Hebrews 9 first. Christ became that sacrifice for our sins and his death on a cross completed the sytem of sacrifices. They were no longer nesisary. We'll thats good for the sin sacrifice but what about the times of celebration where animals were sacrificed, wine was drunk, music was sung and God was remembered? (Read with Robin Willams voice from dead poets society "spirts soared, women swooned, and gods were created...") Is there any christian event in the new testiment that kinda sounds like that? Jesus' passover feast with his diciples. There was bread and wine and fellowship. There was prayer and command to remember. And ultimately this again leads that event, a human sacrifice to top off the evenings events. Im not saying this to be flippant, though as I read back it sounds that way. Im saying this as a reminder that ultimately it is the sacrificial act that is worship, and namley the sacrificial act of Jesus on a cross for believers today. So back to music. What place should music hold in the worship act? I've heard worship leaders talk about mood and setting the tone, getting people to engage, and the like. I even heard a guy say that his goal for one particular set of music was to get people to cry. Bile and rubish, if you ask me (which you did...) I sing because of an overflow. Im amazed and happy so I sing. Im sad so I sing. Im longful so I sing. Feelings or emotions that produce music are probably good (I know that Monty would have something to say about feelings at this point, I may come back to it but dont hold your breath) Music that envokes emotion is bad.
This is where talking to somebody and seeing the expression of understand, or the lack there of, would come in handy. Im not saying that music that creates an emotion is bad music. Dashboard makes me sort of sad and wistful, Miles Davis makes me feel sort of relaxed and peaceful and the Supertones makes me feel like I can take on the world with God at my side. These are not bad things but they have created some thing that was not there before. Maybe. If its true that music has the ability to create a sort of false feeling, a created feeling that wasnt there before, then could it also create a feeling that we were close to God, that all the euphoria and emotional high are simply created by combining a few chordal progressions with some lyrics and a good rythem. I would say that is probably entirly posible. But... but what if (and I almost want to speak in a wisper, like this is some sort of secret) but what if those feelings were already there and all the music was doing was awakening something that was asleep, releasing something that was imprisoned. Im not sure how much emotion was involved in the Hebrews acts of worship. I dont know; I cant tell you. But I do know that emotions are empowering. Im not sure how all of this ties back into Jesus as the worship sacrifice; maybe its the pushing away of everything else or the focus that comes from singing a set of words, but the music comes from the Joy of knowing I have a savior and from the sorrow of knowing there is a depth to my sins. But is music the only way to accent our worship? No.
But our solutions are to call strange things worship. We call fellowship worship. Its good for us, I will admit, even nessisary, but Im not sure its worship (give me your thoughts...). Same with tithing. Its required by God, it reminds us of the provider and ultimatly that all is His. (I wonder if the whole "worship through tithing" suffers in our churches today because it doesnt normally envoke the same sorts of feelings and elations that the music service does...hmm a thought for another day perhaps. But there are other things which I think are worship, which brings me to my next (and much shorter) train of thought.
We are to be living sacrifices. Offering up our sacrifices, a drink offering poured apon the offering of Christ is to be our act of worship. You've heard it Im sure. Message after message. But the question I want to know is what does that practically look like. If we all become the sort of sacrifices that I hear about in messages then it is our biblical imparitive to worship God with our lives by going on a missions trip, becoming a pastor, or at least hanging out at bible college untill they kick me out. A two tiered christianity is out of the question, where the lay person subsists on the "worship" of the priests. There will be no room with God for those who dont know how to worship. (I say that off the cuff, who am I to decide who will get into heaven and for what reason) The key thing I take to heart from the book of revelation is that when all is said and done, theres going to be lots of worship going on.
So if a building that some guy built to worship God evokes feelings of worship in you, i would say examine where those feelings come from. Were they created by the inlaid Gold and silver, by the paintings and the statues, or were they already there, waiting to be opened like presents on a Christmas morn. Ive been in orthodox churches and know the sorts of feelings you are talking about. Its the same feeling I feel looking at the night sky in Joshua Tree, or sitting by the ocean at sun rise, or watching ants scurry to and fro.They awaken something in me that the church often allows to slumber... an awareness of Imanuel... an awareness of God with Us.
First my thoughts on worship. If i was to accuse the mainline protestant denominaions of some transgression it would be on the hows and whys of worship. Dave stanley (and Im sure youve heard it before) says that worship is a life style not an event. However hearing that, and even saying that with heartfelt sentiments doesnt make it true. The truth is that sunday mornings is an event and aside from praying for meals, God is rarley thought about much less talked about and even much less worshiped in the space between sunday morning services. (I just relized that I may rant here, being a supposed "worship leader" so please season my words with grace if I fail to do so.) I say supposed beccause for the most part, the "worship leader" in a church is the guy who can hold a guitar and carry a tune. Do not get me wrong. I love music. It stirs the soul. It helps me worship God. It takes a peice of me that is so inwardly personal and puts it out there for the world to see. But it is not worship.
So what is worship? I know most of the christian answers and I bet you do too. Its hard to put my finger on an answer. The word is used more in the old testament than the new, but it is interesting that most of the time worship= blood. "They took and cow, slaughtered it, and worshiped the Lord." You know, stuff like that. Im not sure about you...but I havent seen a cow slaughtered in a church service. (I have this image of Dave Stanley rolling up his sleeves right now... I'll stop there...). So what is the church todo? What is appropriate and what is right for worship? Ive got two avenues that I want you to think about, one that seems pretty wierd to me but has come to me as Ive been writing and the other one that you are probably more familier with but might need some re-examining (I feel like Im writing a paper for school...I just hit my theological mode)
The first train of thought is acctually more a train of questions, questions that you may come up with diffrent (read Better) ideas than my own. What was the physical act of worship in the OT? Animal sacrifice and prayer. What were the reasons for sacrificing animals? A sheding of blood to cover sins, either against God, or others or both. Any other reasons? For a remeberance and celebration for what God has done, like the feast of passover or weeks or booths. How come we don't sacrifice animals today? Read Hebrews 9 first. Christ became that sacrifice for our sins and his death on a cross completed the sytem of sacrifices. They were no longer nesisary. We'll thats good for the sin sacrifice but what about the times of celebration where animals were sacrificed, wine was drunk, music was sung and God was remembered? (Read with Robin Willams voice from dead poets society "spirts soared, women swooned, and gods were created...") Is there any christian event in the new testiment that kinda sounds like that? Jesus' passover feast with his diciples. There was bread and wine and fellowship. There was prayer and command to remember. And ultimately this again leads that event, a human sacrifice to top off the evenings events. Im not saying this to be flippant, though as I read back it sounds that way. Im saying this as a reminder that ultimately it is the sacrificial act that is worship, and namley the sacrificial act of Jesus on a cross for believers today. So back to music. What place should music hold in the worship act? I've heard worship leaders talk about mood and setting the tone, getting people to engage, and the like. I even heard a guy say that his goal for one particular set of music was to get people to cry. Bile and rubish, if you ask me (which you did...) I sing because of an overflow. Im amazed and happy so I sing. Im sad so I sing. Im longful so I sing. Feelings or emotions that produce music are probably good (I know that Monty would have something to say about feelings at this point, I may come back to it but dont hold your breath) Music that envokes emotion is bad.
This is where talking to somebody and seeing the expression of understand, or the lack there of, would come in handy. Im not saying that music that creates an emotion is bad music. Dashboard makes me sort of sad and wistful, Miles Davis makes me feel sort of relaxed and peaceful and the Supertones makes me feel like I can take on the world with God at my side. These are not bad things but they have created some thing that was not there before. Maybe. If its true that music has the ability to create a sort of false feeling, a created feeling that wasnt there before, then could it also create a feeling that we were close to God, that all the euphoria and emotional high are simply created by combining a few chordal progressions with some lyrics and a good rythem. I would say that is probably entirly posible. But... but what if (and I almost want to speak in a wisper, like this is some sort of secret) but what if those feelings were already there and all the music was doing was awakening something that was asleep, releasing something that was imprisoned. Im not sure how much emotion was involved in the Hebrews acts of worship. I dont know; I cant tell you. But I do know that emotions are empowering. Im not sure how all of this ties back into Jesus as the worship sacrifice; maybe its the pushing away of everything else or the focus that comes from singing a set of words, but the music comes from the Joy of knowing I have a savior and from the sorrow of knowing there is a depth to my sins. But is music the only way to accent our worship? No.
But our solutions are to call strange things worship. We call fellowship worship. Its good for us, I will admit, even nessisary, but Im not sure its worship (give me your thoughts...). Same with tithing. Its required by God, it reminds us of the provider and ultimatly that all is His. (I wonder if the whole "worship through tithing" suffers in our churches today because it doesnt normally envoke the same sorts of feelings and elations that the music service does...hmm a thought for another day perhaps. But there are other things which I think are worship, which brings me to my next (and much shorter) train of thought.
We are to be living sacrifices. Offering up our sacrifices, a drink offering poured apon the offering of Christ is to be our act of worship. You've heard it Im sure. Message after message. But the question I want to know is what does that practically look like. If we all become the sort of sacrifices that I hear about in messages then it is our biblical imparitive to worship God with our lives by going on a missions trip, becoming a pastor, or at least hanging out at bible college untill they kick me out. A two tiered christianity is out of the question, where the lay person subsists on the "worship" of the priests. There will be no room with God for those who dont know how to worship. (I say that off the cuff, who am I to decide who will get into heaven and for what reason) The key thing I take to heart from the book of revelation is that when all is said and done, theres going to be lots of worship going on.
So if a building that some guy built to worship God evokes feelings of worship in you, i would say examine where those feelings come from. Were they created by the inlaid Gold and silver, by the paintings and the statues, or were they already there, waiting to be opened like presents on a Christmas morn. Ive been in orthodox churches and know the sorts of feelings you are talking about. Its the same feeling I feel looking at the night sky in Joshua Tree, or sitting by the ocean at sun rise, or watching ants scurry to and fro.They awaken something in me that the church often allows to slumber... an awareness of Imanuel... an awareness of God with Us.
December 29, 2005
Far
I remembered you with my soul clenched in that sadness of mine that you know. Where were you then? Who else was there? Saying what? Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly when I am sad and feel you are far away?
December 28, 2005
3. Words
Its funny how words get in the way of what we want to say.
The spoken word only communicates so much.
Its easy to speak of tangible things. The chair is green. The book is heavy. Drive to the store. Subjects, nouns, verbs, adjectives. They seem to fall short though when talking about certain things. Fear, love, hope, stuggles, desires, feelings...
I fear that my words do more harm and less good than I would want for my life.
"When the fish is caught, the net is forgoten. When the animal is caught the snare is forgoten. When the idea is caught, the words are forgoten. Show me the man who has forgoten the words. He is the one with whom I wish to speak."
A. T. Elwer
The spoken word only communicates so much.
Its easy to speak of tangible things. The chair is green. The book is heavy. Drive to the store. Subjects, nouns, verbs, adjectives. They seem to fall short though when talking about certain things. Fear, love, hope, stuggles, desires, feelings...
I fear that my words do more harm and less good than I would want for my life.
"When the fish is caught, the net is forgoten. When the animal is caught the snare is forgoten. When the idea is caught, the words are forgoten. Show me the man who has forgoten the words. He is the one with whom I wish to speak."
A. T. Elwer
Stuck
...in my head... "Grace, she carries a world on her hips No champagne flue for her lips No twirls or skips between her fingertips She carries a pearl in perfect condition What once was hurt What once was friction What left a mark no longer stings Because Grace makes beauty out of ugly things"
Words
If I had a command of the english language then... A dictionary would be filled with soldiers for my army... My pen would be my personal weapon... I would only be limited by my ideas, and not my vocabulary...
December 26, 2005
Firby = Super Hampster
I swear it said "No Bueno" when I turn him upside down... Its kinda like a Super Hampster...
December 21, 2005
December 14, 2005
Pablo
"And it was at that age...Poetry arrived
in search of me. I don't know, I don't know where
it came from, from winter or a river.
I don't know how or when,
no, they were not voices, they were not
words, nor silence,
but from a street I was summoned,
from the branches of night,
abruptly from the others,
among violent fires
or returning alone,
there I was without a face
and it touched me.
I did not know what to say, my mouth
had no way
with names
my eyes were blind,
and something started in my soul,
fever or forgotten wings,
and I made my own way,
deciphering
that fire
and I wrote the first faint line,
faint, without substance, pure
nonsense,
pure wisdom
of someone who knows nothing,
and suddenly I saw
the heavens
unfastened
and open,
planets,
palpitating planations,
shadow perforated,
riddled
with arrows, fire and flowers,
the winding night, the universe.
And I, infinitesmal being,
drunk with the great starry
void,
likeness, image of
mystery,
I felt myself a pure part
of the abyss,
I wheeled with the stars,
my heart broke free on the open sky." P. N.
in search of me. I don't know, I don't know where
it came from, from winter or a river.
I don't know how or when,
no, they were not voices, they were not
words, nor silence,
but from a street I was summoned,
from the branches of night,
abruptly from the others,
among violent fires
or returning alone,
there I was without a face
and it touched me.
I did not know what to say, my mouth
had no way
with names
my eyes were blind,
and something started in my soul,
fever or forgotten wings,
and I made my own way,
deciphering
that fire
and I wrote the first faint line,
faint, without substance, pure
nonsense,
pure wisdom
of someone who knows nothing,
and suddenly I saw
the heavens
unfastened
and open,
planets,
palpitating planations,
shadow perforated,
riddled
with arrows, fire and flowers,
the winding night, the universe.
And I, infinitesmal being,
drunk with the great starry
void,
likeness, image of
mystery,
I felt myself a pure part
of the abyss,
I wheeled with the stars,
my heart broke free on the open sky." P. N.
December 12, 2005
Bruised by Cowardice
And as a man who unwills what he wills, changing his plan for every little thought till he withdraws from any kind of start So did I turn my mind on that dark verge, for thingking ate away th enterprise so prompt in the beginning set forth "If I have understood your words aright" repied the shade of that greathearted man, "your sprit has been bruised by cowardice, Which many a time so weighs a man's heart down it turns him from a glorius enterprise as shadows fool the horse that shies away...
December 9, 2005
The Writing on the Wall
Mene, Mene, Tekel, Uparsin.
"Numbered, Weighed, and Divided."
A hand appears in the court and begins writing on the the wall. Slowly in fear and wonder they read, M......E.......N.......E, mene? What does this mean they ask themselves. Mene like the small coin? The hand continues on, mene, mene tekel uparsin. Is this a debt owed, the price of something? The King at this point is more than troubled.
And then a boy steps foward
Mene, mene, sire. Your Days have been numbered.
Tekel, sire. You have been measured and found Wanting
Uparson. Divided, sire, your kingdom will be divided from you.
And all this came to pass that very night.
Have you seen the writing on the wall?
Nada será como antes... It will never be like it was before.
Sometimes I feel like the king. Exposed by the hand of another. Measured by so many and found wanting. People wanting to tear the kingdom around me down.
But when I think of Jesus saying these same words... I feel joy.
"Adam" He says. "I have numbered all the days of your life, your joy and your struggles, even the number of the hairs on your head. I know when you rise, and when you sleep, when you go in and come home. I know you in the valleys and the mountain tops. There is no where you can go to excape from my spirit. I have numbered you among those that love and follow me."
"And Adam" He says "I have measured you and found you faithful. I have seen the depth and the breath of who you are, and I love you still. Remeber that I have measured and layed out you course, I and no other. And that those who measured you and found you wanting were using a measure which is not mine."
"And yes Adam" He says "I am going to divide you from your kingdom. All that you've built, all that you've made, all that you've put your hand to by the sweat of your brow, I am going to divide you from it. In fact I've already started. Have you noticed how nothing quite seems to satisfy you? Some things come close, but eventually those seem to loose their luster. My child, if there is a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, perhaps it is because you were not meant for this world. Child let go of your kingdom, release you grip on every thing that you hold dear and sacred and come be a servant in my kingdom. Come be a child of the king. And all of this will change, you will change. And all those people you knew before and all those things you did before will be there when you get back, only... it will be you that has changed"
"Nothing will be like it was before."
"The old is gone and the new is comming"
-Adam
"Numbered, Weighed, and Divided."
A hand appears in the court and begins writing on the the wall. Slowly in fear and wonder they read, M......E.......N.......E, mene? What does this mean they ask themselves. Mene like the small coin? The hand continues on, mene, mene tekel uparsin. Is this a debt owed, the price of something? The King at this point is more than troubled.
And then a boy steps foward
Mene, mene, sire. Your Days have been numbered.
Tekel, sire. You have been measured and found Wanting
Uparson. Divided, sire, your kingdom will be divided from you.
And all this came to pass that very night.
Have you seen the writing on the wall?
Nada será como antes... It will never be like it was before.
Sometimes I feel like the king. Exposed by the hand of another. Measured by so many and found wanting. People wanting to tear the kingdom around me down.
But when I think of Jesus saying these same words... I feel joy.
"Adam" He says. "I have numbered all the days of your life, your joy and your struggles, even the number of the hairs on your head. I know when you rise, and when you sleep, when you go in and come home. I know you in the valleys and the mountain tops. There is no where you can go to excape from my spirit. I have numbered you among those that love and follow me."
"And Adam" He says "I have measured you and found you faithful. I have seen the depth and the breath of who you are, and I love you still. Remeber that I have measured and layed out you course, I and no other. And that those who measured you and found you wanting were using a measure which is not mine."
"And yes Adam" He says "I am going to divide you from your kingdom. All that you've built, all that you've made, all that you've put your hand to by the sweat of your brow, I am going to divide you from it. In fact I've already started. Have you noticed how nothing quite seems to satisfy you? Some things come close, but eventually those seem to loose their luster. My child, if there is a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, perhaps it is because you were not meant for this world. Child let go of your kingdom, release you grip on every thing that you hold dear and sacred and come be a servant in my kingdom. Come be a child of the king. And all of this will change, you will change. And all those people you knew before and all those things you did before will be there when you get back, only... it will be you that has changed"
"Nothing will be like it was before."
"The old is gone and the new is comming"
-Adam
December 7, 2005
Silence
The truth is in the prologue. Death to the romantic fool,
to the expert in solitary confinement,
I’m the same as the teacher from Colombia,
the rotarian from Philadelphia, the merchant
from Paysandu who save his silver
to come here. We all arrive by different streets,
by unequal languages, at Silence. - P.N.
November 8, 2005
Is this the land?
...feeling lost today...
...unsure of what comes next, of who comes next...
...scared that God might be more real than I have thought Him to be and that I might have to make a change in my own life accordingly...
...what to do...
...random thoughts at 2 in the morning of selling everything, and trusting God to do what He has said He would do: to feed, to clothe and to be with me as I walk with Him...
...His promice of the abundant life!
Where is this abbundant life? It comes when Im not even looking for it! In comes in the simplicty of spending time with people you dont know well as you sit and paint and get little glimses of the person that Jesus has made them to be. It comes in sitting at In and Out at Midnight and talking about hopes and dreams for the future. Its in random late night phone calls. Its in holding Boston. Its in having paint under your finger nails and a tired body that says to you "Yes I lived today." Its in talking in the cold for three hours and in prayer that you actually mean. Its in the tears and the heart ache. Its in vuneralbility. Its in fixing relationships and friendships; doing the hard things that you dont want to do. Its in doing everything that you are already doing; but with a change in attitude, a change in the soul that says "Here, I am here and called here." Its a connecting those that seem so disconnected. Its in seeing the broken fixed, the blindman who now sees and the cripple who runs and leaps and shouts for joy.
"Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you"-Josh 1:3
But am I willing to step where I am supposed to go? To tread into the abundant life? To go and take the land that was promiced me?
"So many miles behind
Still I drive with the pedal down
I was off the map hours back
It's beneath the seat, I think
It's with two pennies and a match
And something else, I can't remember
But in the time that it would take to fish it out
I'll be another mile gone
And I feel so wrong
Trying to feel right
In light of all the things I've passed
You'd think that I'd have learned
(Chorus)
This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words, I just want some peace"
-Not the land Caedmon's Call
Is this the land?
Did I live today?
...unsure of what comes next, of who comes next...
...scared that God might be more real than I have thought Him to be and that I might have to make a change in my own life accordingly...
...what to do...
...random thoughts at 2 in the morning of selling everything, and trusting God to do what He has said He would do: to feed, to clothe and to be with me as I walk with Him...
...His promice of the abundant life!
Where is this abbundant life? It comes when Im not even looking for it! In comes in the simplicty of spending time with people you dont know well as you sit and paint and get little glimses of the person that Jesus has made them to be. It comes in sitting at In and Out at Midnight and talking about hopes and dreams for the future. Its in random late night phone calls. Its in holding Boston. Its in having paint under your finger nails and a tired body that says to you "Yes I lived today." Its in talking in the cold for three hours and in prayer that you actually mean. Its in the tears and the heart ache. Its in vuneralbility. Its in fixing relationships and friendships; doing the hard things that you dont want to do. Its in doing everything that you are already doing; but with a change in attitude, a change in the soul that says "Here, I am here and called here." Its a connecting those that seem so disconnected. Its in seeing the broken fixed, the blindman who now sees and the cripple who runs and leaps and shouts for joy.
"Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you"-Josh 1:3
But am I willing to step where I am supposed to go? To tread into the abundant life? To go and take the land that was promiced me?
"So many miles behind
Still I drive with the pedal down
I was off the map hours back
It's beneath the seat, I think
It's with two pennies and a match
And something else, I can't remember
But in the time that it would take to fish it out
I'll be another mile gone
And I feel so wrong
Trying to feel right
In light of all the things I've passed
You'd think that I'd have learned
(Chorus)
This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words, I just want some peace"
-Not the land Caedmon's Call
Is this the land?
Did I live today?
November 2, 2005
Get out of the car
There was a video we wanted to make once that I was thinking about today. The idea was this. Guy; stuck in traffic; faint rock music in the background (maybe even "Highway to Hell")
Guy comes up, taps on the window.
"Hey you wanna get out of this traffic jam?"
"Sure..."
"Its easy, all youve got to do is get out of the car."
"What?!? Are you nuts, just leave my car here? Now? What will happen to it, I mean will I get it back?"
"Yes leave it, leave it now. Dont worry, we're going to take a much smaller and narrower path, one that leads from the city, from the illusion of day, from the bright lights and the glitzs, out into the desert."
"The desert?!?! Its hot and theres nothing there..."
"I'm there. Its not that im not here too, but the noise can cause people not to listen. Even now with the roar of motors and horns its hard to hear me. And the desert is still and quiet and there we can talk. Because all of this (he waves his had at the traffic) is leading to destruction. Its wide and easy and lots of people go this way."
"But what about my car? I still have payments..."
"It will not fit. The way we will go will be so narrow and tight that nothing but who you are will fit. Nothing youve built, nothing you have and nothing youve done will fit through where we must pass."
"Nothing?!? But ive done so much and seen so much, ive been apart of so much..."
"Yes but they dont tell you who you are. They arnt who you are."
"So who am I?"
"That's what we are going to find out."
"Who are you?"
"That's also some thing you're going to find out"
"So you want me to get out?"
"Yes"
"Right now?"
"Yes"
"Umm" He reaches accross to grab his breifcase out of the passanger seat.
"You wont need that"
"Umm" He reaches to turn the keys off to his car.
"You wont need those either"
"Umm" he starts to grab a map out of the side door.
"Nor that. Come my child. Come with me. I will show you the way."
And he openned his door stepped out onto the asphalt and set out on a new journey, that might cost him more than he was willing to give, but in which he would find his life again.
-Adam Thomas
Guy comes up, taps on the window.
"Hey you wanna get out of this traffic jam?"
"Sure..."
"Its easy, all youve got to do is get out of the car."
"What?!? Are you nuts, just leave my car here? Now? What will happen to it, I mean will I get it back?"
"Yes leave it, leave it now. Dont worry, we're going to take a much smaller and narrower path, one that leads from the city, from the illusion of day, from the bright lights and the glitzs, out into the desert."
"The desert?!?! Its hot and theres nothing there..."
"I'm there. Its not that im not here too, but the noise can cause people not to listen. Even now with the roar of motors and horns its hard to hear me. And the desert is still and quiet and there we can talk. Because all of this (he waves his had at the traffic) is leading to destruction. Its wide and easy and lots of people go this way."
"But what about my car? I still have payments..."
"It will not fit. The way we will go will be so narrow and tight that nothing but who you are will fit. Nothing youve built, nothing you have and nothing youve done will fit through where we must pass."
"Nothing?!? But ive done so much and seen so much, ive been apart of so much..."
"Yes but they dont tell you who you are. They arnt who you are."
"So who am I?"
"That's what we are going to find out."
"Who are you?"
"That's also some thing you're going to find out"
"So you want me to get out?"
"Yes"
"Right now?"
"Yes"
"Umm" He reaches accross to grab his breifcase out of the passanger seat.
"You wont need that"
"Umm" He reaches to turn the keys off to his car.
"You wont need those either"
"Umm" he starts to grab a map out of the side door.
"Nor that. Come my child. Come with me. I will show you the way."
And he openned his door stepped out onto the asphalt and set out on a new journey, that might cost him more than he was willing to give, but in which he would find his life again.
-Adam Thomas
October 31, 2005
You dont have to live like this!
You don't have to live like this.
2 Cor 5:17
Eph 4:22
1 Pete 1:3
You
Dont
Have
To
Live
Like
This.
You don't have to live like this
You don't have to live like this. A message to the world.
Im serious... are you listening?
Am I even listening to my self?
Roll it around on your tongue.
I don't have to live like this.
Yell it.
I DON"T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!?!!
Wisper it with quiet reflection.
I don't have to live like this...
And then pray.
And change.
This was my prayer...
God, I want to be fully prepared for amazing things to happen.
Are you. Am I? Now my prayer, when I pray for growth or for other people or aginst sin and evil, i pray with this phrase...
I am fully prepared for amazing things to happen.
And its painted on the floor, on the wall, on my guitar case. Its written in my bible and on my mind and on my heart.
I am fully prepared for amazing things to happen.
I AM FULLY PREPARED FOR AMAZING THINGS TO HAPPEN!
I am fully prepared for amazing things to happen.
October 25, 2005
Believe
14 And when they came to the disciples, they saw a great crowd around them, and scribes arguing with them. 15 And immediately all the crowd, when they saw him, were greatly amazed and ran up to him and greeted him. 16 And he asked them, “What are you arguing about with them?” 17 And someone from the crowd answered him, “Teacher, I brought my son to you, for he has a spirit that makes him mute. 18 And whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid. So I asked your disciples to cast it out, and they were not able.” 19 And he answered them, “O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to me.” 20 And they brought the boy to him. And when the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. 21 And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 22 And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 23 And Jesus said to him, “If you can! All things are possible for one who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” 25 And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.” 26 And after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, “He is dead.” 27 But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose. 28 And when he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” 29 And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer and fasting.”
Where is my belief? Why do I feel so inadequate? Like Ive been tested and found wanting? Lord help my unbeleif.
JESUS
HELP
MY
UNBELEIF!
Where is my belief? Why do I feel so inadequate? Like Ive been tested and found wanting? Lord help my unbeleif.
JESUS
HELP
MY
UNBELEIF!
October 24, 2005
3 Weeks
Our passions are not too strong, they are too weak. We are far too easily pleased.-Jack Lewis
In those days I, Daniel, was mourning for three weeks. 3 I ate no delicacies, no meat or wine entered my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, for the full three weeks. 4 On the twenty-fourth day of the first month, as I was standing on the bank of the great river (that is, the Tigris) 5 I lifted up my eyes and looked, and behold, a man clothed in linen, with a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist. 6 His body was like beryl, his face like the appearance of lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and the sound of his words like the sound of a multitude. 7 And I, Daniel, alone saw the vision, for the men who were with me did not see the vision, but a great trembling fell upon them, and they fled to hide themselves. 8 So I was left alone and saw this great vision, and no strength was left in me. My radiant appearance was fearfully changed, [2] and I retained no strength. 9 Then I heard the sound of his words, and as I heard the sound of his words, I fell on my face in deep sleep with my face to the ground.
10 And behold, a hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, man greatly loved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for now I have been sent to you.” And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. 12 Then he said to me, “Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words. 13 The prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days, but Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I was left there with the kings of Persia, 14 and came to make you understand what is to happen to your people in the latter days. For the vision is for days yet to come.”
Prayer and fasting for 21 days, while God had already sent the answer.
I loose focus after a few minutes in my prayer and sometimes as the answer gets to me, Ive already forgoten and moved on thinking God hasnt answered and God hasnt moved, and then I miss it when the answer does come.
What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when He catches us, as it were, off our guard.-Jack Lewis
The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man.- GK Chesterton
In those days I, Daniel, was mourning for three weeks. 3 I ate no delicacies, no meat or wine entered my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, for the full three weeks. 4 On the twenty-fourth day of the first month, as I was standing on the bank of the great river (that is, the Tigris) 5 I lifted up my eyes and looked, and behold, a man clothed in linen, with a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist. 6 His body was like beryl, his face like the appearance of lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and the sound of his words like the sound of a multitude. 7 And I, Daniel, alone saw the vision, for the men who were with me did not see the vision, but a great trembling fell upon them, and they fled to hide themselves. 8 So I was left alone and saw this great vision, and no strength was left in me. My radiant appearance was fearfully changed, [2] and I retained no strength. 9 Then I heard the sound of his words, and as I heard the sound of his words, I fell on my face in deep sleep with my face to the ground.
10 And behold, a hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, man greatly loved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for now I have been sent to you.” And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. 12 Then he said to me, “Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words. 13 The prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days, but Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I was left there with the kings of Persia, 14 and came to make you understand what is to happen to your people in the latter days. For the vision is for days yet to come.”
Prayer and fasting for 21 days, while God had already sent the answer.
I loose focus after a few minutes in my prayer and sometimes as the answer gets to me, Ive already forgoten and moved on thinking God hasnt answered and God hasnt moved, and then I miss it when the answer does come.
What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when He catches us, as it were, off our guard.-Jack Lewis
The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man.- GK Chesterton
October 18, 2005
To the Rabbi
To the Rabbi of the world
I send greetings. The thing that I've been thinking an dwelling on for the last few weeks is this
Ministry seems inheritently unhealthy.
We who are the ministers are telling people to have a healthy relationship with God, with themselves and with other people. But those who minister are often times even worse off than those that we are supposed to be ministering to. Its almost like we are outside of the body of christ. If the rest of the church is the body of christ, then we are like a personal fitness trainer. Near and around, completly familier with this body, but not a part of it.
People dont meet my expectations of them for relationships. They let me down. They are grumpy and human. I went to church and had a shitty day sunday, to the point where people made me cry. I have thick skin ya'll! Do you know how hard it is to make me cry even under pain circumstances? And these people were just being grumpy. What is a matter with me? I had expectations of frindship and fellowship with people who were looking at me a tool or a sourse of help and information.
The truth is that it is hard for ministers to not look down at those they are ministering to.
Call it what you will, professional distance, keeping ministry and friends apart, whatever. It is sin. I understand the desire to have those who are unrealated to your ministry as friends (and dont get me wrong thats okay to have) but it can be an exscapist retreat from reality. "I just need to get away" and statements like that are signs of unhealth.
Let us be ministers who are healthy.
Let me repeat. LET US BE MINISTERS WHO ARE HEALTHY. Above and before all other things let us be people who are not looking to have healthy ministries. Let us be healthy ministers. Scratch that... Let us be healthy followers of the Christ. May we be covered in the dust of our rabboni.
Remember what life was like before ministry, when being a christian was enough. When identy wasnt tied to your job, to your position, to your ministry, when it was enough to be Sarah and stand unabashedly in the presence of your Father.
Elijah called out to God in the desert of his lonleyness and God shows him a community. Maybe too He has a community for you Sarah. Just a thought.
Remeber that we are all His children. Walk in the fact that you are not a minister or a servant, but a child of God who has been asked to invite others to join you as a child of God. We are the under-Rabbi sent to call forth our brothers and sisters from the world.
Be blessed
The Rabbi Adam Thomas
Rabbi= Teacher
Adam= sinner
Thomas= doubter
The= created and loved by God, unique and chosen.
I send greetings. The thing that I've been thinking an dwelling on for the last few weeks is this
Ministry seems inheritently unhealthy.
We who are the ministers are telling people to have a healthy relationship with God, with themselves and with other people. But those who minister are often times even worse off than those that we are supposed to be ministering to. Its almost like we are outside of the body of christ. If the rest of the church is the body of christ, then we are like a personal fitness trainer. Near and around, completly familier with this body, but not a part of it.
People dont meet my expectations of them for relationships. They let me down. They are grumpy and human. I went to church and had a shitty day sunday, to the point where people made me cry. I have thick skin ya'll! Do you know how hard it is to make me cry even under pain circumstances? And these people were just being grumpy. What is a matter with me? I had expectations of frindship and fellowship with people who were looking at me a tool or a sourse of help and information.
The truth is that it is hard for ministers to not look down at those they are ministering to.
Call it what you will, professional distance, keeping ministry and friends apart, whatever. It is sin. I understand the desire to have those who are unrealated to your ministry as friends (and dont get me wrong thats okay to have) but it can be an exscapist retreat from reality. "I just need to get away" and statements like that are signs of unhealth.
Let us be ministers who are healthy.
Let me repeat. LET US BE MINISTERS WHO ARE HEALTHY. Above and before all other things let us be people who are not looking to have healthy ministries. Let us be healthy ministers. Scratch that... Let us be healthy followers of the Christ. May we be covered in the dust of our rabboni.
Remember what life was like before ministry, when being a christian was enough. When identy wasnt tied to your job, to your position, to your ministry, when it was enough to be Sarah and stand unabashedly in the presence of your Father.
Elijah called out to God in the desert of his lonleyness and God shows him a community. Maybe too He has a community for you Sarah. Just a thought.
Remeber that we are all His children. Walk in the fact that you are not a minister or a servant, but a child of God who has been asked to invite others to join you as a child of God. We are the under-Rabbi sent to call forth our brothers and sisters from the world.
Be blessed
The Rabbi Adam Thomas
Rabbi= Teacher
Adam= sinner
Thomas= doubter
The= created and loved by God, unique and chosen.
October 7, 2005
Prayer
Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees.-Victor Hugo
What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when He catches us, as it were, off our guard.-Jack Lewis
The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man.- GK Chesterton
Our passions are not too strong, they are too weak. We are far too easily pleased.-Jack Lewis
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.-Mother Teresa
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.-Jack Lewis
They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse.-Emily Dickinson
Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you.-JL
God is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him.-JL
If these holy places, things, and days cease to remind us, if they obliterate our awareness that all ground is holy and every bush (could we but perceive it) a Burning Bush, then the hallows begin to do harm. Hence both the necessity, and the perennial danger, of 'religion.'-JL
In the Trinity Term of I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape?-Jack Lewis
What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when He catches us, as it were, off our guard.-Jack Lewis
The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man.- GK Chesterton
Our passions are not too strong, they are too weak. We are far too easily pleased.-Jack Lewis
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.-Mother Teresa
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.-Jack Lewis
They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse.-Emily Dickinson
Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you.-JL
God is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him.-JL
If these holy places, things, and days cease to remind us, if they obliterate our awareness that all ground is holy and every bush (could we but perceive it) a Burning Bush, then the hallows begin to do harm. Hence both the necessity, and the perennial danger, of 'religion.'-JL
In the Trinity Term of I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape?-Jack Lewis
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)